Saturday, November 21, 2015

Timber Wolf: Hot or Not?

Our group of candid women with no real Legion knowledge have been devouring each and every Legionnaire, telling is which are the most delectable...
Participants
Our honorary Legion members are...
Art-Girl - Swears she's never air-brushed a wolf on the side of a van or on black t-shirt.
DJ Nath - Hungry like the Wolf.
Havana Nights - Don't mind the wolfish grin.
Lip-Bomb - Deep down, knows werewolves aren't real. Deep down. Co-star of Mind Linked, on You-Tube, with her sister DJ Nath.
Science Girl - Has petted a leopard and buckets of eels. Not sure where she's at with the wolf situation.
Shotgun - Her irrational fear of wolves may come into it.
Moderator: Siskoid - Figured out what Bad Wolf meant on Doctor Who before everyone else. (No he didn't.)

First impressions of Timber Wolf
Timber Wolf (AKA Brin Londo of Zuun) is a superlative physical specimen, with superhuman strength, stamina, agility, speed and combat ability. He is one of the Legion's greatest fighters, using an unpredictable acrobatic style. When he gets excited in combat, he tends to lose control; a tell-tale sign is that his face becomes more wolfish when that happens. Timber Wolf is not highly educated, nor very sophisticated - he’s a doer, not a thinker. He trusts his intuition and sees things others miss. At first, he was very much a loner and even went by the codename Lone Wolf. He's more of a team player now, and thinks of the Legion as family, but still finds social interactions difficult, and falls to sarcasm and abrasiveness as a coping mechanism.
DJ Nath: Not for Shotgun. #wolf
Shotgun: Daaaaamn.
Havana Nights: Why does he have to look like an 80s rock star?
Science Girl: Because he is one.
Siskoid: It was the 80s.
Havana Nights: He's like a glam rocker.
DJ Nath: I mean, he kind of looks like Wolverine, which I suppose makes sense.
Art-Girl: There's a lot of his costume missing, OMG I'm blushing!
Shotgun: No, that's just the color, Art-Girl.
Art-Girl: It's his outfit?!
Siskoid: The suit it orange. His skin is peachy and hairy.
Art-Girl: Hairy all over?
DJ Nath: Ha ha.
Havana Nights: Yeah, you see the chest hair.
Shotgun: OMG THAT CHEST HAIR!
DJ Nath: Chest hair for daaayyyyyzzzz!
Art-Girl: Chest hair is okay, but everywhere? That could be difficult.
Science Girl: Chest hair-neck beard combo.
Shotgun: His hair is hot though.
Science Girl: Yeah, nice and messy.
Art-Girl: I agree. Nice wild thick brown hair, mhmmmm.
DJ Nath: He does have anime hair, points for that.
Art-Girl: Always nice.
Havana Nights: Yeah, I like dark hair too. I don't mind the picture on the left... Nice and broody.
Lip-Bomb: I'm pretty sure I had a wax crayon called Timberwolf.
Art-Girl: Yes you did!!! I had that Crayola too!!! It was a nice grey-brownish color.
DJ Nath: The wolf on his suit is almost cool, but actually pretty lame.
Lip-Bomb: I agree, the wolf logo is very laaame.
DJ Nath: I feel like the color combo is a little Halloweeny.
Science Girl: And we can all agree that this guy CAN go camping. Camping for days.
Art-Girl: Stupid camping
Science Girl: True, I don't even really like camping.
Shotgun: We would lose this guy in the woods during the trip.
Lip-Bomb: Yeah, what if he goes crazy while we're camping.
DJ Nath: I feel like he would freak out my dog.
Art-Girl: He would bring back poor bunnies.
Shotgun: The call of the wild.
Havana Nights: I'm attracted to the raw, animalistic thing actually.
Lip-Bomb: I would have thought he had claws of some kind.
Shotgun: He would protect us from wild animals.
Art-Girl: He might BECOME one!
Shotgun: He sees the Legion as his family. That's our relationship too, as friends. We could connect.
Science Girl: "Highly sarcastic", he's like my spirit animal.
Havana Nights: Aw.I kind of like that he doesn't overthink things and is not too complicated. I feel like that would balance me out.
Science Girl: I like more intellectual guys. I'm not feeling the brawn over brains going on.
DJ Nath: But what about brows over brains?
Science Girl: Brows on fleek.
DJ Nath: But yeah, I agree, someone that's not too stressed is important for me, helps me put things in perspective.
Havana Nights: I wonder if he's an animal in bed.. Teehee.
Science Girl: Oh my. *blush*
Art-Girl: I hope he is.
DJ Nath: I feel like we would either get along or be incredibly indifferent about each other.
Shotgun: I am indifferent about his personality.
Science Girl: You're like the Switzerland of personalities.
DJ Nath: I need someone I can have a conversation with, not sure about him for that.
Lip-Bomb: I definitely understand the social awkwardness. We'd bond over that.
Havana Nights: I think I could have a torrid love affair with him... I'd probably start off hating the guy for the sarcasm and whatnot, but be really attracted to him and then boom.
Art-Girl: Wild sex everywhere!
Science Girl: I'd swipe right.
Shotgun: Yeah, he doesn't strike me as the kind of guy with who I'd have great, interesting discussions.
Havana Nights: Like I'm not too crazy about the body hair. But I can get over it.
Art-Girl: I feel for him in his social interactions because I'm exactly like him!
Shotgun: I don't have a problem with sarcasm though. Clearly.
Lip-Bomb: I like the sarcasm and whatnot. I'm cool with that.
Havana Nights: I mean, I'm not talking about marrying the guy, am I?
Art-Girl: Is he the one Legionnaire for you?
Havana Nights: Don't think he's my soul mate, no.
Science Girl: Nope, not the marrying kind.
Shotgun: Clearly not. But dating? Sure.
Science Girl: And by dates, we mean sex, exclusively.
Art-Girl: Hahahaha I love those kinds of dates.
Havana Nights: But I'm definitely interested in having some fun with him.
Shotgun: Actually... nope. I'd be too scared he'd lose control.
Havana Nights: Rawr!
Art-Girl: He probably only likes doing it in the woods.
DJ Nath: It would kind of be like dating a werewolf, not really into that.
Lip-Bomb: Unpredictable acrobatic style, if you know what I mean.
Science Girl: Aw yeah!
Art-Girl: Acrobatic! He could come to my gym and train with me!!!
Shotgun: Wolves may look like handsome animals from afar, but they're terrifying when they're pissed. And their eyes glow. OH GOD DO HIS EYES GLOW?!
Science Girl: Hope so.
Shotgun: FFFF************ THEY DO!
Art-Girl: Don't think about it!
Shotgun: NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE!
Siskoid: Confirmed, they turn red when he's angry.
Shotgun: AAAAAAHHHHHHH!!
DJ Nath: Red? The color of love?
Art-Girl: Nightmare fuel for Shotgun!

On his various looks and mutations
Above is what Timber Wolf looked like in the 80s. In the 70s, Timber Wolf had been redesigned by artist Dave Cockrum, who would go on to design many of the X-Men. Not by coincidence, Timber Wolf's 70s look foreshadowed Wolverine's famous haircut! (He would look like this until he got plastic surgery to restore his human face.)
Art-Girl: HOT.
Science Girl: My God, those eyebrows!
Lip-Bomb: Ooh very Wolverine is right!
DJ Nath: I mean, I said he looked like Wolverine earlier, but nothing in comparison to this!
Art-Girl: THIS IS WOLVERINE!!!
Shotgun: Even the colors.
Art-Girl: The sideburns.
Shotgun: Geez.
Art-Girl: The hair. The everything!
DJ Nath: Also kind of an Ace Ventura Pet Detective hair vibe going on.
Shotgun: UUUUUUGGGGHHHHH.
Art-Girl: Hahaha I can't unsee it!
Shotgun: STUPID SUN BOY ARRIVING LATE IN THE BACKGROUND. And trying to draw attention by flying like an idiot.
DJ Nath: Also, our round friend is in the back.
Lip-Bomb: The chest emblem is a bit less lame. Not sure about the colors...
DJ Nath: Yeah, seems less ridiculous, more subtle, which is how I like my wolf logos.
Science Girl: I'm not digging that hair.
Havana Nights: I don't get the sideburns. And the eyes are super pointy.
Lip-Bomb: No one will ever accomplish a better cat eye.
Shotgun: I'd like to point out the lighting effects on Timber Wolf's hips, which look like has has Wolverine's claws.
Art-Girl: I like the idea of this, but i think it's because it reminds me of the real Wolverine from X-Men.
Science Girl: I'd date him if he were played by Hugh Jackman.
Art-Girl: He's cool.
DJ Nath: Agreed, Hugh Jackman yes.
Art-Girl: I would date Hugh Jackman. He could sing for me.
Havana Nights: I would have his babies.
Art-Girl: He could do Australian things with no shirt on.
Havana Nights: Singing dancing babies.
DJ Nath: Screw it, let's just rate Hugh Jackman.
Science Girl: HOT. #done
Siskoid: As the years wore on, Timber Wolf's appearance mutated and he became the kind-hearted but mute and dumb creature known as Furball.
Science Girl: Awww.
DJ Nath: Well.
Science Girl: He's like a puppy.
Art-Girl: A bit much.
Havana Nights: HOLY CRAP WHAT IS THAT?
Science Girl: A really scary puppy.
Art-Girl: A big freaking puppy.
Shotgun: Ok... no.
DJ Nath: Furball is an adorable name.
Shotgun: It's just a way to make us forget he's actually a ball of death. Being eaten alive kind of death.
Lip-Bomb: When you said mutated....
Havana Nights: If I woke up with that in my bed, I'd have a heart attack.
Lip-Bomb: He looks like a huge bunny, or a cat.
DJ Nath: He looks like someone combined all the hair a dog leaves around everywhere and gave it eyes.
Art-Girl: He looks like something from "Where the Wild Things Are".
Siskoid: Later, he was (almost) cured of this condition and became a more wolf-like character, once again able to think clearly and speak. He even had his own mini-series at this point, during which he hung out in the 20th century.
Science Girl: Unibrow.
Havana Nights: I'm getting flashbacks
Shotgun: Kind of makes me think of Howl's.
Art-Girl: I was going to say!
Havana Nights: I wonder if the fur is soft.
Art-Girl: The hand.
Science Girl: Nope!
Art-Girl: I bet his hair/fur is super soft and healthy.
DJ Nath: I mean here he looks like a werewolf halfway through his transformation. But not as scary as Furball.
Lip-Bomb: He needs, like, a lot of conditioner.
Havana Nights: I don't want to sleep with him anymore.
Art-Girl: We lost Havana.
Siskoid: (He's since turned back to normal.)
Havana Nights: Oh ok. Then we're cool. He can booty call me.
Science Girl: Turned back to normal = plucked his brows.
Shotgun: How does the costume hold up in the chest area?
Art-Girl: Super hero physics!
Shotgun: Cuz I'd like to learn that trick.
Havana Nights: Double sided tape.
Science Girl: Duct tape guys, duct tape.  I'm a pro at this.
Havana Nights: Or Velcro.
DJ Nath: And I mean, the claws are terrifying.
Lip-Bomb: Holy Jesus! I had'nt looked at the claws! He's like a friggin' eagle.
DJ Nath: I feel like he would need to use a lot of nail polish.
Art-Girl: I want to draw designs on those nails. I would have so much room for delicate, lacy details.
DJ Nath: #nailart
Lip-Bomb: He has a bit of white hair on his temples. Is he like a handsome older gent now?
Art-Girl: I like that. More mature. I like older mature men!
Havana Nights: Don't take away my boy toy!
DJ Nath: Just more X-Men foreshadowing?
Science Girl: Classy 47 year old. like Hugh Jackman.
Art-Girl: Mhmmmmmmmmmmmm.
Shotgun: Aaawww yeah!
Art-Girl: That sings for me!

On his relationship with Lightning Lass
Timber Wolf's big love affair in the Legion was Lightning Lass, Lightning Lad's twin sister who also had electricity-projecting powers (though Dream Girl used science the nature of her powers for a time so she and her brother could serve on the team simultaneously, becoming Light Lass with her power to make things light). Ayla Ranzz is extroverted, optimistic and empathetic, but also doesn't take any crap from anyone. She joined the Legion by posing as her dead brother, and came to resent being "de-powered" after he returned from the dead. Her relationship with Timber Wolf fell apart in part because he had trouble verbalizing his feelings. She has always refused to take him back. Ayla has since become romantically involved with Shrinking Violet who you'll remember as one of Colossal Boy's old girlfriends.
Havana Nights: Bitch.
Art-Girl: She's cute!!!
Havana Nights: Ohh I like the haircut.
Science Girl: Cute bob.
Havana Nights: And good on her for not taking him back.
Science Girl: I like it.
Shotgun: Aw yeah, the hair is great.
Science Girl: The outfit is classy.
DJ Nath: She is really cute, kind of looks like she's an ice skater.
Shotgun: Her hips look really natural. Like, her proportions look right.
Havana Nights: I'm not a fan of how high-cut the blue part is on the hip... Makes her leg look weird.
DJ Nath: I like the lightning neckline, that's super cool.
Lip-Bomb: I like the little lightning things on the collar.
Art-Girl: I like the costume on the bottom. It's like like a lighting turtleneck thing. Looks cool.
Shotgun: Wait...? What's going on with Sun Boy in the background? Is she torturing him?
Siskoid: As Light Lass, she is making him weightless. Just trollin'.
Shotgun: I. LOVE. HER.
Science Girl: Yesss!
DJ Nath: Screw that guy. He's like in every damn picture!
Siskoid: The Legion's #1 photo bomber?
Shotgun: He's such a narcissistic idiot, of course he wants to be in everything all the damn time.
DJ Nath: He's like that guy that pretends to be in every high school club so he can spam the yearbook. But I feel her. If he couldn't verbalize, it would make things difficult.
Art-Girl: I've been in that kind of relationship and it's never easy for anyone.
Havana Nights: Also, she is now a lesbian?
Science Girl: What.
DJ Nath: Apparently so.
Lip-Bomb: I really like her personality. She sounds actually like a cool friend.
Shotgun: I could totally be friends with her. She seems really cool.
DJ Nath: Yeah and I want her hair.
Art-Girl: I feel like she's a real person and that I could just hang out with, baking cookies and stuff.
Lip-Bomb: She sounds like a strong woman and fun to be around.
Havana Nights: Yes, I like strong women who know what they want.
Science Girl: Like me!
DJ Nath: Yeah man, #feminism.
Lip-Bomb: Her hair looks awesome in the wind in the surprint. Or maybe that's just the force of the explosion?
Art-Girl: Strong is beautiful.
Havana Nights: I don't know if we'd get along, my sleeping with her ex and everything.
DJ Nath: Yeah would make things awkward.
Art-Girl: Maybe she would be cool about it.
Shotgun: Especially since she doesn't like penises anymore.
Science Girl: She's probably bi and not, like, a sudden lesbian, guys.
Art-Girl: She does what makes her happy. She seems down to earth and would understand and not be mad.
Siskoid: She's in her own relationship after all.
DJ Nath: #SexualFreedoms
Lip-Bomb: Wasn't Shrinking Violet pretty cool too?
Art-Girl: They make the best couple!
Lip-Bomb: If I remember correctly they sound like an awesome couple.
Shotgun: I'm glad for them.
Science Girl: Yes! Power couple!
Art-Girl: Is this another wedding in space?
Siskoid: Violet started off as a wilting flower and developed a badass streak.
Lip-Bomb: I originally read "developed a badass steak".
Science Girl: Mmm steak.
DJ Nath: Yeah, she's cool. Good for them.
Shotgun: Ooh badass action shot!
Science Girl: Look at how she's punching the helmet right off that dude. #badass
Lip-Bomb: That punch really looks like it hurts. Bad. She looks a little bit like Robin Hood.
Art-Girl: Or Peter Pan.
Science Girl: Badass pixie cut.
Art-Girl: I like the image with the flowers, very Alice in Wonderland!
Siskoid: Ah, this is what I was looking for:
Science Girl: Hawt.
Shotgun: Damn guuuurlz!
Lip-Bomb: These two are cooler than I will ever be.
DJ Nath: Super sexy, man. Yup, way cooler.
Art-Girl: I am amazed. I am speechless.
Shotgun: I am jealous of their sexiness. And gorgeous hair on both.
Lip-Bomb: I don't know what she's eating, but I want some.
Art-Girl: I want to just be siting next to them like at a coffee shop. I don't even need to talk to them. Just seeing them is enough.
Lip-Bomb: Right out! I just want to stalk them on Twitter.
Siskoid: So to get back to our now lone wolf... how does this all make you feel about Timber Wolf?
Art-Girl: Noooo, let's keep talking about these badass ladies!
Science Girl: ...lone wolf? Who cares? I'm digging the lilac dress. With the high neck. I'd wear that.
Art-Girl: If they made YouTube videos, I would be a fan for sure.
Lip-Bomb: I mean, she's wearing gloves. FULL GLOVES. #Fashion
Shotgun: I'm not afraid of lightning or violets, so I prefer the chicks by a wide margin.
*Siskoid has lost control... again*
Art-Girl: I love the belts and the green and pink combination, just love it!
DJ Nath: The dudes need to step it up, the girls are way cooler.
Science Girl: Are those flight belts?
Lip-Bomb: The belts are almost matching but not quite. I'm digging it.
Siskoid: They have flight rings; so the belts are just accessories.
Shotgun: Twinkie belts are back.
Science Girl: Yeah, but they can ROCK the twinkie flight belt.
Lip-Bomb: It's great that they're going home for the holidays.
Art-Girl: They're family-oriented, I like that.
Lip-Bomb: I still want to know what she's eating. WHAT'S SO DAMN CRUNCHY!?
Art-Girl: Peanut brital(sp?)?
Lip-Bomb: Wait, peanut bridal. That should be a thing. Let's start giving peanut brittle to brides.
Art-Girl: Excellent.

The Verdict
DJ Nath: Ok, I feel like I would be scared of getting too involved, but maybe if I got to know him it would be okay. But let's be real, more physical than anything else. We don't match up on other levels, but he seems like an okay dude.
Science Girl: Lone wolf would probably be like a tinder date that I forget about. But these girls: HOT.
Shotgun: As for me, I think he's physically hot. Not as much a fan of the body hair, but I could deal. Then he'd lose control in front of me and turn full wolf and I'd be scared for my life and I'd never sleep again, so I'm going to avoid all that trauma by never dating him.
Art-Girl: I want to like him, but there's nothing there. There's nothing that would make me think it might be more than a physical thing here and there, booty calls and stuff. Working out at the gym, doing are acrobatics together. Always need a partner to spot me, that'd be nice. But a relationship? Not this one. NOW THE LADIES, GOD, THOSE ARE SOME LADIES!!!
Lip-Bomb: Not. He sounds okay, but overall, I'm more interested in an intellectual, conversationy type of man, so I think I'd get bored very quickly. Maybe "one random torrid adventure and never speak again" type of thing.
Havana Nights: I'm trying to sum it up... I think there would be attraction there and enough incentive to explore it. I'm not sure about the long run, but who cares?

Next: The drama!

9 comments:

  1. Timber Wolf: Verdict HOT HOT HOT especially retro-boot.

    I don't think you characterized the end of their relationship quite right.
    "After pushing her sister-in-law to rescue TW, Saturn Girl and TW were caught hugging on an astroid. Ayla went crazy jealous for no reason. Ultimately, she decided to leave the Legion and when TW didn't come with her, she left him even though she eventually realized the Legion was also where she belonged.

    Head Canon: Ayla loved being the center of Brin's world. Once Ayla realized that Timber Wolf could actually have relationships with other people (even friendships), she tried to push him to leave the Legion with her. Since he finally had found a home, he didn't want to leave his family. Realizing that she could no longer be the center of his attention, she never forgave him. Ultimately she figured out she preferred the company of Vi and became a little less douche.

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  2. You can't put quotation marks there if you're not actually going to quote me! I always keep it short and went with a root cause rather than the exact soap opera elements. And I wasn't privy to your head canon ;).

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    1. Sorry! Those stray quote marks are the sole result of sloppy typing. Cure my metal body!

      Anti-Light Lass bias aside, I might characterize their split as she wanted something different and she couldn't forgive him for not following her versus his inability to communicate.

      I'm not sure that the zero-hour Legion or 3-boot even managed to make him as entertaining (or as hot). And the Furball and subsequent Aria/Gemini time travel thing - best forgotten (from a design standpoint).

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  4. Don't forget he that he was brainwashed to believe he was a robot (and still subconsciously feared it was true years later) apparently had addiction issues (set off by the Lotus Fruit) and his, at the least, disfunctional relationship with his father.
    Inability to communicate was the least of that boy's problems.

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  5. Don't forget he that he was brainwashed to believe he was a robot (and still subconsciously feared it was true years later) apparently had addiction issues (set off by the Lotus Fruit) and his, at the least, disfunctional relationship with his father.
    Inability to communicate was the least of that boy's problems.

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  6. Again, extraneous detail is the enemy. We're talking about a group of people who once took an offhand reference to a skycar and turned it into a 30-minute conversation and an art project(!).

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  7. T-Wolf became more than a cardboard hero during Superboy #197 when he was given a new look and battled Tyr !

    The giving him more "Wolverine" type powers was a plus!

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