Our group of candid women with no real Legion knowledge asked to check out the Substitute-Heroes. And now we ARE down to the wire. Or the bottom of the barrel.
Our honorary Legion members are...
Art-Girl - More about visuals than sounds.
DJ Nath - A historian who listens to a lot of music.
Havana Nights - Knows her Roman numerals.
Lip-Bomb - We could probably use two of her. With her sister Nath, she co-hosts the YouTube channel Mind Linked.
Science Girl - Has studied cell division.
Shotgun - Swinging between two extremes.
Moderator: Siskoid - He's the loser who is only a member of Hot or Not's Auxiliary.
And note that now the girls are now doing a podcast with the same premise, only over in the Marvel Universe in oHOTmu or NOT? every few weeks.
Two last, minor, Substitute Heroes for your consideration...
First impressions on Antennae Boy
Antennae Boy or sometimes Lad (Khfeurb Chee Bez of Grxyor) was rejected by the Legion because his power to pick up radio waves transmitted from anywhere on the planet, past or present, was imperfect, often resulting in feedback squeals. After a stint with the Subs, he worked with the Time Institute, collecting ancient recordings, and then got a job in broadcasting, as a news anchor. He likes to listen to music whenever he can, which is always.
Shotgun: Oh dear.
Science Girl: Oh God no.
Havana Nights: He's not very subtle, is he?
Shotgun: Man... just his name... I'd feel bad just trying to pronounce it!
Art-Girl: He must have a hard time finding earmuffs.
Science Girl: Those eyebrows.
Art-Girl: The worst part is if he doesn't like the same music as you. Like if he's a super country fan.
DJ Nath: Antennae Boy is more buff than you would think.
Lip-Bomb: Does he have a radio voice? Like a nice one?
Siskoid: He must. News anchor for the planet.
Shotgun: Well he certainly has a radio face. ZING!
Art-Girl: Like raspy, but smooth all at the same time.
Science Girl: WHY IS HE NOT WEARING PANTS?
Siskoid: You don't need pants at the anchor desk.
Shotgun: The proportions are so weird... his chest is so wide.
Havana Nights: So he can pick up radio waves... Can he make us hear them too? Or is it just all in his head?
DJ Nath: Because that would be useful while camping.
Art-Girl: He's totes invited on the camping trip.
Science Girl: GOD PUT ON SOME DAMN PANTS!
Art-Girl: It must be chilly on the legs.
Siskoid: Yes, we can hear it too.
DJ Nath: So dance party anywhere, that's a bonus.
Havana Nights: I mean, his face on the right looks kind of handsome minus the ears.
Art-Girl: He has a super classic face and symmetrical.
DJ Nath: His smirk is pretty attractive.
Shotgun: No hair. Booo.
Lip-Bomb: Why does he look like he's falling out of the sky? Do his ears double as wings?
Siskoid: They all can fly thanks to their consolation prize - Legion flight rings. He's not the most coordinated of flyers though.
Havana Nights: I think I'd get annoyed... Reminds me of my parents always listening to radio... Silence is nice sometimes.
Shotgun: I agree. My dad has the wonderful habit of putting the radio and TV full blast, then falling asleep. God, it's so annoying.
Art-Girl: Can he turn it on and off? Or is he forever cursed with it? Like sleeping, what do you do? Bathrooms. Offices. The library. This is getting out of control.
Havana Nights: Also, he can't control it well, so feedback.
DJ Nath: Feedback is one of my least favorite sounds ever.
Lip-Bomb: Does he literally always have a song stuck in his head?
Science Girl: I feel like this is a pretty dated superpower.
Lip-Bomb: Cuz if he's humming a song constantly, I think I would get annoyed real fast.
Shotgun: If it has to play all the time, I'm soooooo out.
DJ Nath: That would be hard to deal with for me.
Science Girl: "He can intercept pagers."
Lip-Bomb: What if his power started waking you up in the middle of the night with, like, a jazz radio show from 1956?
Art-Girl: Ears must be a pain to clean. Or all the piercings!!!
DJ Nath: Missed opportunity to not have a million piercings.
Art-Girl: He must have the mist ridiculous hats for winter.
Shotgun: But it is cool how he found a way to make his power useful.
Lip-Bomb: Is he very pretentious about music?
Art-Girl: With that smirk, maybe.
Shotgun: The fact that he worked for archives is pretty cool. The historian in me would find it interesting to listen to old news reports.
DJ Nath: One bonus is the possibility of having a soundtrack for your life.
Lip-Bomb: Ooh that's cool.
Art-Girl: But what happens if it's never the right song? It sounds cool, but then it could go wrong so easily.
Lip-Bomb: The historical thing is actually a really clever use of the power. Especially in a real-life scenario.
DJ Nath: I feel like, you know, at Christmas, with a hot cacao listening to old radio, that could be nice.
Science Girl: Man, if only there were a way to access most songs virtually instantly!
DJ Nath: Haha, boyfriend or Google Play?
Lip-Bomb: What if you have a fight and he just blasts music over your talking?
Havana Nights: Oh that's not nice at all.
Havana Nights: Meh...
Science Girl: Not, I'll just get Spotify instead
Art-Girl: Well, he won't be getting a digdigdig of approval from me. His power sounds cool, but there are a few problems I see that could become more than just annoying. I will pass on this one!
Shotgun: Not... Sorry kid, but you have no hair, you're weirdly too bulky, and your power is outdated. There's just the history thing that's interesting, but it's not enough for me to want to date you.
Art-Girl: And physically, I am not super attracted. Like the ears and no hair is kind of a bummer for me.
DJ Nath: A solid meh from me. I like certain aspects - cute smirk and interesting power, although a bit boring. Get a cooler outfit and we'll talk.
Havana Nights: I don't think we'd get along. I don't like having music on all the time, and I think he'd be hurt by that.
DJ Nath: Maybe he would find that refreshing.
Lip-Bomb: I think I'd be willing to give it a try. He's had an interesting series of jobs and could have some interesting things to talk about. It could get annoying very fast, but I dance in public without music all the time, maybe with music, I'll look less ridiculous.
Art-Girl: No you won't. Lets all dance. DANCE PARTY!
Lip-Bomb: Also I don't mind having something on in the background. I do that too.
Science Girl: *dances*
Shotgun: *dancing like no one's watching*
Lip-Bomb: Best dance party ever.
Shotgun: *sees that everyone's watching*
Art-Girl: wiggle wiggle wiggle
Shotgun: *keeps on dancing anyway*
Lip-Bomb: You readers missed it. It was great.
First impressions on Double-Header
Double-Header (Dyvud/Frenk Retzun of Janus) was, just like all members of his race, born as one individual that, over the course of his lifespan, splits into two identical beings. Normally, the personalities are compatible; in his case, the two are constantly bickering. He was rejected by the Legion for having no real powers (splitting in two very very slowly) and his sorry attitude (if at least two heads were better than one in this case). The Subs took him on, possibly because he makes a mean lemonade.
Art-Girl: I am out.
DJ Nath: Hahaha everything about this is nope.
Science Girl: Are they sharing a bulge?
Science Girl: I need to know. For science reasons.
Siskoid: For now. Eventually two bulges.
Art-Girl: But it's huge.
Lip-Bomb: I love lemonade!
Shotgun: OMG how sad is it that they potentially took him on only for his lemonade.
DJ Nath: I mean, I like lemonade, but Havana does that already. Don't need this guy.
Havana Nights: I do make lemonade!
Shotgun: Yeah Havana makes some mean lemonade.
Havana Nights: We have that in common!
Shotgun: That's the only reason she's in our group.
DJ Nath: I mean, the fact that they fight all the time most be so annoying.
Lip-Bomb: So does his chest just become wider and wider until he splits in two?
Siskoid: Yes. Last time I saw him, there was a good foot between his two heads.
Havana Nights: That's kind of horrifying.
Art-Girl: His hips look huge.
DJ Nath: Also, what if you just like one of the two and have to wait it out?
Shotgun: That's soooo sad.
Siskoid: As you can see, he has two heads right now, but when he first appeared, he hadn't split quite so much.
Havana Nights: Jeez that's scary.
DJ Nath: They look pissed and/or disgusted.
Shotgun: You know what. This is entertaining.
Science Girl: No.
Havana Nights: No no and no. How do you even kiss?!?
Lip-Bomb: I have to get along with two people? Nope!
Shotgun: I would ask a question, sit back with popcorn, and listen to them for hours. I am the worst person ever.
Art-Girl: What happens if you like one but the other is just an ass? The dates must be weird.
DJ Nath: If you go to a hotel do you have to pay for three or two people?
Science Girl: No hair again. That's not good.
Art-Girl: Do they eat twice as much?
Science Girl: Do you split the bill?
Lip-Bomb: It must be hard to walk.
Art-Girl: Hard to shop for.
DJ Nath: Everything is custom-made for them.
Art-Girl: Like, I need new knitting patterns for this.
Shotgun: Imagine trying to hug him/them. It's already pretty awkward when you don't know which side to put your head on. Crap.
Science Girl: Can you marry both or is that polygamy?
DJ Nath: I mean really though, this isn't a power.
Havana Nights: How does it help in battle?
DJ Nath: How did they think they could help?
Lip-Bomb: I mean, the Legion can be a bit douchey with people, but there seriously isn't a power here. Can Benjamin Button be in the Legion too?
Art-Girl: Brad Pitt as a Legionnaire, yes I like that idea. Approved. But what are their special skills?
Shotgun: Being some sort of comedy relief.
Science Girl: But I mean, their lemonade is reaaaaaaaaaally good.
Art-Girl: That's true. Nothing better then giving lemonade to your enemies and talking the problems through.
Shotgun: I think WE would bring more to the Legion than him/them.
Lip-Bomb: Is just one of them good at making lemonade?
Siskoid: It seemed the one thing they could agree on.
DJ Nath: Ooh secret family recipe that the other head doesn't know!
Art-Girl: No, if one has half the recipe, the other has the other half. Only together ca they make their famous family lemonade.
DJ Nath: Glad they could agree on something.
Siskoid: Any thoughts on the costume?
Science Girl: It sucks.
Art-Girl: Bulge!!! It's so there.
DJ Nath: The emblem is kind of cool.
Lip-Bomb: It's a bit cliché.
Art-Girl: I find the colors boring.
Shotgun: The ball gown gloves are way too long.
DJ Nath: The bulge is distracting.
Art-Girl: A third color would make it more vibrant.
DJ Nath: Their feet seem too small?
Art-Girl: The boots are also ugly on their tiny feet.
DJ Nath: How do you know which one you're having sex with?
Art-Girl: OMG. That's terrifying.
Siskoid: Well if I understand the alien biology, "they" are just one guy, who will one day be two. One guy, who happens to have two heads. Cough.
Science Girl: But they have two personalities.
Lip-Bomb: But everyone else has two personalities that get along? Everyone else is BFF with their second head?
Siskoid: Yes, I think that's his "power". If you compare him to the rest of his race. His mutant power is being able to have two points of view.
DJ Nath: That's too complicated for me.
Lip-Bomb: I'm not sure I get the point of that... if they age at the same rate, what's the point of splitting?
Siskoid: I don't know what happens when he's completely split. Go and mate with other splits? Die? We never got to find out.
Havana Nights: That is one weird race.
DJ Nath: I hope they get a full life alone.
Art-Girl: I hope they don't miss the other one so much that it mentally scars them.
Havana Nights: I hope I never get a second head.
Art-Girl: If i ever get a second head, just kill me.
Science Girl: They really redefine the saying "let's make like a banana and split".
DJ Nath: Haha.
Lip-Bomb: I hope one of them says "Let's split!" all the time. And the other one hates that.
Shotgun: Do you really need one?
Havana Nights: I'm craving a banana split now. THAT'S my verdict.
Siskoid: So in other words, "hot".
Art-Girl: No, it's enough that I have to go out with one person, now two. That is way too much effort; I didn't sign up for that! Sure, they could make a mean ass lemonade/sangria, but oof, that's not enough for me. Pass.
DJ Nath: Big nope from me. They are annoying and annoy each other, way too much to handle. I'll make my own lemonade.
Shotgun: I have to say no. Because if I were on a date with them, it would be to make fun of them. And enjoy their stupid fights about EVERYTHING. So I'm going to be a better person and spare them that.
Art-Girl: It would be the weirdest thing, if they were swingers! Do they take one girl home or two?
Lip-Bomb: It's just too much to handle. I guess they make the best out of a weird situation. They say when life gives you lemons...
Art-Girl: You throw the lemons at them because I'm scared.
Lip-Bomb: Aww don't be mean, they're people too.
Science Girl: Not, I don't wanna be stuck in be-twin them when they fight.
Lip-Bomb: I hope people didn't make it really transparent that they're there for the lemonade. "My God I'm thirsty!" "I could really go for something refreshing right about now!"
Art-Girl: Wink wink!
Art-Girl: Aw it almost looks sweet.
Lip-Bomb: Their necks in that one! Maybe turtlenecks aren't the best choice.
Shotgun: I raise my glass to the Subs.
Science Girl: Oh God, I can't look away from that bulge.
Art-Girl: Oh now I see it. Can't look away!
Shotgun: It is gigantic.
Science Girl: Like an inverted pyramid.
Lip-Bomb: Wait, is there a moment when their penis is like weirdly wide?
Havana Nights: Probably.
Science Girl: Probably.
Shotgun: Man... C-C-C-C-C-CC-C-COMBO BREAKER!
Science Girl: And it's probably that exact moment in the pic.
Siskoid: What is this, Mall Rats? (answer: It's always kind of Mall Rats.)
Art-Girl: Descriptive: "Tis a bulge! A peak! A cape! No, it's a peninsula!"
Lip-Bomb: Haha. Nice literature reference right there.
Science Girl: It's a PENIS-ula. AYYYOOHHH!
Siskoid: Oookay, time for this to end.
Next: A replacement for Superboy.