Saturday, June 20, 2015

Superboy: Hot or Not?

Our group of candid women with no real Legion knowledge HAVE heard of Superboy. Is that going to change how they treat him?
Our honorary Legion members are...
Art Girl - A Smallville fan from way back. Watch out!
DJ Nath - Her locker was next to Art-Girl's in high school. She knows things. Follow her You-Tube channel, Mind Linked, which she telepathically shares with her sister Lip-Bomb.
Havana Nights - Has been asked to try and remember what she was like in high school. Admitted things could get rocky.
Lip-Bomb - Wasn't very popular in school because she dared to ask a boy to dance once.
Shotgun - Could there be sliver of kryptonite in her buck shot?
Moderator: Siskoid - Read The New Adventures of Superboy for the Dial H for Hero back-ups. What does HE know?

Superboy (AKA Clark Kent) is destined to become Superman, but before that can happen, he'll be taken from his Smallville home and asked to join the Legion of Super-Heroes. Though they consider him their inspiration, Superboy doesn't let the Legionnaires' hero worship go to his head. He remains generally humble and easy-going, finding in the Legion a place where he can be himself, among peers; no secret identities, and so on. As for his powers, they are well known.

First impressions on Superboy
Havana Nights: Is that a super dog???
Siskoid: Krypto the Super-Dog.
Havana Nights: OMG! He has a dog. Chick magnet.
DJ Nath: Agree with the dog thing, makes a guy way more approachable.
Shotgun: It's weird. I don't know how to react to someone I "know".
Art-Girl: I am pumped!!!!!! And also PUPPY!!!
Havana Nights: I mean he's cute... I don't know if there's more there though. I like that he's humble.
Shotgun: The flying dog makes for some interesting conversation.
Lip-Bomb: Wait, does the dog actually fly?
Art-Girl: Yessss. He is super. He can fly!
Siskoid: Krypto has all the powers.
DJ Nath: I like that Superboy still sounds pretty down to earth considering who he is.
Havana Nights: Yeah... Sounds like that straight A student teachers would love. Not sure if teenage Havana would be into him though. She likes a little crazy.
Art-Girl: Well, he is still the kind of goody two-shoes that always does the right thing.
Shotgun: I've always liked the Superboy/Superman suit. I don't care if he wears his undies over his pants. I don't judge.
DJ Nath: Bright colors and stuff, that's fun. A better palette then most.
Art-Girl: Yes Nath, I like the primary colors combination too.
DJ Nath: The colors really make him stand out amongst the other Legionnaires, I bet.
Havana Nights: He naturally stands out, I think.
Shotgun: You make a point.
Havana Nights: Charismatic leader and such.
Art-Girl: He's handsome and stands out.
Lip-Bomb: I bet they were all, "maybe my costume could be red or blue... oh, no wait... Superboy has that already... damn it... purple it is."
Art-Girl: Hahahaha. Green and orange. "Damn it, that's so ugly..."
Lip-Bomb: I always thought his hair looked kinda greasy...
Havana Nights: I agree.
Art-Girl: I LIKE the hair, and that classic hair flip thing.
Shotgun: Me too.
DJ Nath: Yeah, the hair is a near-miss for me. I'm almost sold on it, but no.
Shotgun: I like the "S" curl.
Lip-Bomb: The cape action in this picture is on point.
Art-Girl: The dog's is better.
Shotgun: I do think it's absolutely stupid that taking off his glasses and combing his hair differently is enough to make him unrecognizable though.
Art-Girl: People are stupid.
Shotgun: Teenage Shotgun wasn't into bad boys too much, so he would totally have been my type.
Lip-Bomb: He sounds a bit boring though... I'm not sure what he would do for fun.
Shotgun: Guy involved in all sorts of school clubs, but not an attention whore.
Art-Girl: Yeah, I feel like "Hey Clark, let's do this" and he's all "No, that's mean and irresponsible." LAMMMME!
DJ Nath: Teenage Nath would either be really into it, or really not. My main beef is that I've always thought of him as a little boring.
Art-Girl: He would be the one to stay home every night!
Lip-Bomb: Having a secret identity is hard work. I don't blame him for staying home and watching Netflix.
Siskoid: Well, in the '60s, there were an awful lot of Superboy parades and statues about town...
Lip-Bomb: Hold on. Parades? They held parades?
Art-Girl: PARADES!
Siskoid: All the time. And gave him medals.
Art-Girl: I'm pumped. I LOVE PARADES!
Siskoid: '60s Superboy/man comics were weird that way.
Art-Girl: Like, what type of parades, like with floats and music and everything???
Lip-Bomb: It's nice that all these parades and medals and notoriety didn't go to his head. That's something.
Siskoid: If indeed, they didn't.
DJ Nath: I mean, who doesn't like a good parade? But I feel like a girlfriend would spend a lot of time watching parades from the sidelines.
Havana Nights: I probably would've shunned the fact that he was super popular... All the other girls were probably into him already.
Shotgun: Good point, it would have been a deal breaker for me if all the girls were crazy about him. He's too mainstream for me.
DJ Nath: Could become awkward.

On how he got into the Legion
It's a funny story, in which they offer him membership, but ask him to go through an initiation. He does, but it's all a big set-up so he'd fail and they can make him think he hasn't found any new friends after all. Ha ha! Kids can be cruel!
Art-Girl: OMG they are asses.
Havana Nights: Aww... He's so sad.
Shotgun: BULLIES!
Art-Girl: Awwww his poor self-esteem!
Havana Nights: I just want to hug him.
Shotgun: That single tear. He looks more like a kid here. The other picture makes him look to much like Superman.
Art-Girl: His jaw line is still super manly.
Lip-Bomb: I feel like hugging him too. That's the worst joke ever.
DJ Nath: That's sad, he's most sad about letting down his town than he is for himself.
Shotgun: Where's the dog? I bet if he'd been there he could have mastered those challenges.
DJ Nath: This all makes him more attractive.
Havana Nights: It must be humbling to be shut out of the hero club.
Lip-Bomb: I wonder what he talks about; is he always going on about his town like this?
Havana Nights: Like the kids who were Mister Popular in high school then get a rude wake-up call in university.
Shotgun: All of the pressure.
Art-Girl: Nobody's popular at university.
Siskoid: The Legion also pulled a similar trick on Supergirl.
Art-Girl: Whyyyy!? They're so mean!
Lip-Bomb: Legion of douches.
Havana Nights: They're such a-holes!
Siskoid: Very early Legion stories were basically about pulling pranks on the Supers.
Shotgun: Because they were villains all along. *whisper* Hail Hydra.
DJ Nath: Total asses.
Lip-Bomb: Don't listen to them, Supers! They're just jealous of your sweet outfits!
Art-Girl: And magical badass capes!
Shotgun: I don't regret anything I said about Cosmic Boy... You cocky cock!
Havana Nights: Kids flirt that way. By being a-holes to each other.

On Superboy's girlfriend

Lana Lang is his girlfriend back in the 20th century. While she'll grow up to be Lois Lane's more glamorous rival for Superman's attentions, at this point, she was just a teenage version of Lois, the girl next door always trying to discover his secret identity.
Art-Girl: She has a bow in her hair, instant approval from Art-Girl!
Lip-Bomb: Is his type of woman, anyone with the initials LL?
Siskoid: Yes, Lois Lane, Lana Lang, Lori Lemaris, Lex Luthor--uhm...
Art-Girl: Having double initials happens a lot in comics. Peter Parker, Green Goblin...
Shotgun: "Where she makes life complicated for the Boy of Steel." BITCH! "Where she makes life complicated for Lois Lane and Superman" ...ULTRA BITCH!
Lip-Bomb: I like her dresses.
Havana Nights: So is he interested in her? Were they... lab partners?
DJ Nath: I think it's cool that someone challenges him, in a way, since he's so powerful.
Shotgun: I like it that she wears the "LL" on her shirt, not that it helps identifying her. But what is that? Did everyone wear name tags back then?
Lip-Bomb: Imagine if we did all have our initials on our clothes.
DJ Nath: That would be Nazi Germany.
Lip-Bomb: She looks a bit evil in the bottom drawing.
Art-Girl: She looks like someone else just made a mistake and she forces them to repeat it, with a lot of sass. But wait, aren't they cousins?!
Siskoid: Who? Lana? No, Lana Lang isn't Supergirl. Linda Lee is Supergirl - Oh SNAP!
Shotgun: SPOILERS Siskoid. But again, LL.
Siskoid: There are three live action versions of Superboy; we won't get into the live action SuperMAN because he wasn't a Legionnaire and we don't have all night.
Shotgun: TOM!
Siskoid: In order...
Shotgun: Aaawww -frown-

On John Newton, from Season 1 of the Superboy TV show
Havana Nights: Nope.
Art-Girl: The eyes are nice.
Lip-Bomb: Awkward as hell.
DJ Nath: I mean, he looks like SuperMAN.
Havana Nights: Too American.
Shotgun: Patriotism time.
Art-Girl: Where's the bald eagle on his shoulder?
Shotgun: You're not Captain America; slow down.
Havana Nights: Too cliché.
DJ Nath: Really awkwardly stiff.
Art-Girl: Is it just me, or do you find his lips disturbing too? AHHHHHHHHHH!
Havana Nights: Yesssss.
Shotgun: He looks just sick of being there.
DJ Nath: Like he's been taking pictures all day and he doesn't want to anymore.
Lip-Bomb: He looks like he doesn't know what to do with his arms.
Art-Girl: Or the rest of his body for that matter. And those freaking lips!!!
Havana Nights: He looks too old to be a teenager.
Art-Girl: More like 25-27.
DJ Nath: The hair curl kind of annoys me here.
Lip-Bomb: That belt...
Art-Girl: That too. It should be lower, the composition doesn't work.
Shotgun: That's funny, I was going to say he fit the Superboy role pretty well.
Havana Nights: He looks too serious.
DJ Nath: Looks like he's going to cry... for America?
Shotgun: Bags under his eyes, like he's taken drugs. I dunno.
Lip-Bomb: He's a little scrawnier here. That, I like.
Art-Girl: And not enough hair flip!!! Needs more DRAMA!!!
Shotgun: Yeah, super high-waist underwear.
Lip-Bomb: Maybe he's just a hipster.
Havana Nights: As if his parents still buy his clothes.
Art-Girl: Yaaaa, it's like he's in an '80s music/excercise video.
Lip-Bomb: You know what, I'd watch a Superboy '80s exercise video.
Havana Nights: I'd watch it, but I wouldn't work out with it, LOL. "And now, lift this barrel full of concrete."
Art-Girl: I'd work my ass out to Superman '80s aerobics. BUNS OF STEEL!
DJ Nath: Literally.
Lip-Bomb: The square-jawed look isn't my jam.
Art-Girl: Well, it's not the jaw line of a teenager.
Shotgun: Check his hands. All those veins, yuck! Old man hands.
Art-Girl: Can you imagine his veiny arms?
Shotgun: But to get back to the belt, I think the big problem is the buckle's weird-ass shape.
Art-Girl: It's like it's made of cheap plastic, it drives me crazy.
Lip-Bomb: The buckle looks like a door knob.
Shotgun: Yes.
Art-Girl: It opens the outfit. Hhhhohhhhhh!
Lip-Bomb: Hihihi.
Shotgun: A door that opens on his superpenis.
Havana Nights: Bam.
Siskoid: [quickly changes the subject]

On Gerard Christopher from Seasons 2-3 of the Superboy TV show

Art-Girl: Ohhhh I like.
Shotgun: Yes.
Art-Girl: But again, "teenager".
Havana Nights: Ooooohhhh much better.
Shotgun: Yes, much. Them blue eyes.
Lip-Bomb: I like this way more.
DJ Nath: I like this one, I could have had a crush on this one.
Art-Girl: I like the everything.
Shotgun: With dark hair.
DJ Nath: Nice eyes
Art-Girl: Oh those eyes.
Shotgun: *melts*
Havana Nights: The hair is glorious.
DJ Nath: Way more touchable.
Art-Girl: And this time the jaw line doesn't bother me.
DJ Nath: Solid hot here.
Art-Girl: Solid triple hot.
Shotgun: Actually, no... the suit looks super cheap, like it's made out of bathrobe material.
Havana Nights: Hahaha yes, maybe.
Lip-Bomb: He looks cool, but approachable here.
Shotgun: The jaw line and poutier lips, mmmm mmmmmm.
Art-Girl: He looks like a person who has all the answers.
Havana Nights: I'd trust him.
Art-Girl: Like, he can help you with all your problems. "My car is busted." "I can fix that." My cat threw up." "I can fix that." "My feet hurt." "I can fix that," and he takes me in his arms like a princess.
DJ Nath: Mhmm, he'd play the saxophone.
Art-Girl: So I'm never gonna dance again the way I danced with yoo-oo-oou...
Shotgun: Now I can't look at his face without hearing the song. And I don't know if that's funny, creepy, weird, or even hotter.
Lip-Bomb: I think he might garden and like cats.
DJ Nath: He's like really nice to his grandma.
Havana Nights: He's nice to everyone, even the nerds. I feel like I'd have a crush on him forever, but would never dare do anything about it.
Lip-Bomb: He visits his grandma and they have tea and then, he fixed the toaster.
Havana Nights: Aaaawww.
Siskoid: Well Havana, Clark Kent IS a nerd so...
DJ Nath: Yeah, I would approach Clark Kent way more.
Lip-Bomb: Clark Kent is more my type for sure. The clumsiness!
Havana Nights: Hmmmm, that face with nerdy glasses...
Shotgun: I'd go on several dates with him... If only he would look at me...
DJ Nath: I would date Clark and find Superboy hot.
Art-Girl: Hahaha the hard time of a double identity. And of course he can fix everything, he lives on a farm!
Havana Nights: I'd date him and probably bash Superboy because he's too mainstream.
Lip-Bomb: He would always be leaving in the middle of meals to save the world.
Shotgun: I think we're ready for Tom now... although now he seems less interesting to me. :P
Art-Girl: Ohhh sexy journalist!
DJ Nath: Super adorable!
Lip-Bomb: I like that he parts his hair in a different direction to be Clark.
Art-Girl: Cute and nerdy, but secretly a beast in the bedroom.
Havana Nights: I think the glasses age him.
Shotgun: Glasses do that to everyone though. Aaaaww, but his hair is much less sexy! Predictable, but boo anyway. The rest is actually super okay. I mean, he could still pull off that look today.
Art-Girl: Except for the tape recorder.
Siskoid: Ok, the one you've been waiting for...

On Tom Welling, from Smallville

DJ Nath: Art-Girl had a poster of him in her high school locker.
Shotgun: I did too.
Art-Girl: I still do, in my heart.
Shotgun: Those eyes, my God. I could stare at them for days.
Art-Girl: The jaw line, the muscles, just right. The hair, thick and dark.
DJ Nath: I mean, he's literally smokin'.
Art-Girl: Love it in every way.
Shotgun: The picture doesn't show his hair very well, but MMMMMM. We need a different picture.
Art-Girl: Yes, one without a shirt!
Shotgun: Just too badass.
Art-Girl: His hair is commercial-ready.
Havana Nights: I find him a little androgynous for my tastes, rather feminine in the mouth area.
Shotgun: Almost a duck face on that pic too.
Havana Nights: I feel this will not be a popular opinion.
Lip-Bomb: I've never watched Smallville... I feel a bit left out.
Art-Girl: Awww so sad, you should, it.s good!!!
DJ Nath: I mean, he's obviously hot. Would I ever talk to him? Probably not.
Lip-Bomb: I do like his hair though. It's 2004 cool.
Shotgun: To be perfectly honest... I've watched like two episodes. I thought he was hot. I put his picture in my locker.
Art-Girl: I watched every season! It was hard to manage the farm life (farmers are sexy), school and his power. He was under a lot of stress!
Lip-Bomb: He seems more standoffish here.
DJ Nath: Hard to picture him as a nerd.
Art-Girl: He really wanted to be in football!
Havana Nights: He is pretty hot, but I'm not melting just yet.
Shotgun: I mean look at that smile... *MEEELLLTS*
Art-Girl: All the melts!!!
Lip-Bomb: That's cheating, Shotgun!!!
DJ Nath: Yeah NOT CANON!
Art-Girl: Hahaha
Lip-Bomb: He's got some intense cheek bones happening.
DJ Nath: Natural contouring.
Shotgun: Not so natural, IMO.
Art-Girl: Hahaha. jealous.

The verdict
Art-Girl: HOT!
Shotgun: HOT!
Havana Nights: Definitely hot, but from a distance. I don't feel he is my soul mate.
Art-Girl: Hot and I would make it my mission to be his potential girlfriend.
Lip-Bomb: Superboy is hot, Clark Kent is datable. Superfly seems too flawless to be in a relationship--I mean Superboy haha!
Siskoid: Blaxploitation Freudian slip!
Art-Girl: Well, he would always be busy saving the world!
Shotgun: I don't think I like the whole time travel thing though. He could be gone for ages from his perspective, but only minutes in mine.
Art-Girl: Or worse. He's gone three minutes from his perspective, but you aged 10 years. Time travel is complicated.
DJ Nath: This is my deal. I like him on paper, but I have always felt a little meh about him as a character. So hypothetical situation. we're in school together, I would date Clark and think Superboy is hot. Maybe if I got to know him better as Superboy, then it would draw me in, but I've always felt he was a little one-dimensional for me. But basically hot. I mean, he is hot and I would date Clark.
Art-Girl: So you're not really for marriage, but you're open to the idea of dating!
DJ Nath: Mhmm, I would date him and see how that goes. If he could open up and loosen up.
Art-Girl: He will open up, he's quite sensitive.
Shotgun: I would try to approach him... and then start to run away.
Lip-Bomb: Hm. Clark must be constantly leaving other people to pay the check, because, well, "World to save!"

And on that, we leave the meat market for a couple weeks. Be back in a half-month for another of the Legion's powerhouses put under the microscope!

1 comment:

  1. Not sure I've said it before or not, but these are highly entertaining! Bravo ladies (and Siskoid)!