Saturday, August 1, 2015

Sun Boy: Hot or Not?

A group of candid women with no real Legion knowledge decide whether Sun Boy is as hot metaphorically as he is literally.
Participants
Our honorary Legion members are...
Art Girl - Hates the color orange, so what does she think of fire?
DJ Nath - Can't stand the heat, so lives in a basement apartment.
Havana Nights - Her superhero code name actually comes from City of Heroes fire-powered character made in her effigy.
Lip-Bomb - Straining not to drop fire puns all the way through. Co-star of Mind Linked, on You-Tube, with her sister DJ Nath.
Shotgun - Goes to the beach four times a week.
Moderator: Siskoid - Suffering from heat stroke.


First impressions on Sun Boy
Sun Boy (AKA Dirk Morgna of Earth) gained heat-projection powers (originally, just light-projection, so he had to reapply to the Legion when his powers got better) by surviving being thrown into a nuclear reaction by a villain. Sun Boy is a charmer and something of a "stud", often seen partying with the ladies, but never committing to any of them. He loves the excitement and fame the Legion provides, but has had a tendency to burn himself out by putting in too many hours, often placing himself under too much stress in too short a time. A quirk: It doesn't come up often, but he's phobic about the dark.
Shotgun: He's the man for you, Lip-Bomb. He tries to do too much, suffers from stress, and is afraid of the dark!
Lip-Bomb: Hahaha, we would never see each other. Perfect!
Art-Girl: But... GINGER!
Havana Nights: I'm sorry, he's NOT a stud.
Shotgun: DAMN, HE'S GINGER.
Havana Nights: His mouth is funny and his eyebrows are too intense.
Art-Girl: And he's ginger.
DJ Nath: Weird Mouth McGee over here.
Shotgun: Yeah, that's not a smile I like.
Art-Girl: The smile is just tight, stiff and weird.
Shotgun: Is it even a smile though?
Art-Girl: I see a rapist somehow! That's a rapist smile.
DJ Nath: A smirk maybe? Definitely a better smile in the banner.
Shotgun: But crap does he look old there.
Havana Nights: A little better I guess.
Lip-Bomb: Much better.
Art-Girl: No, that smile is not better in any way!!!
Shotgun: Still ginger.
Art-Girl: Still a problem, Shotgun! The hairstyle is better, not like he just rolled out of bed.
DJ Nath: Yeah, more defined curls, that's cool.
Havana Nights: Yeah, you could run your fingers through his hair.
Lip-Bomb: He was so much static in his hair in the main picture. And looks like he would throw a temper tantrum. The banner's Sun Boy is nicer, less like he'd get in a drunk fist fight at 3 A.M.
Shotgun: The chest symbol is too literal. Come on, a little artistic license, please.
DJ Nath: Yeah, the symbol is a bit childish, for me.
Art-Girl: I could draw a better sun when I was two.
DJ Nath: If you like the sunshine, clap your hands!
Shotgun: I'm not clapping.
Havana Nights: Me neither.
DJ Nath: I like the colors though, bright and fun.
Shotgun: I understand the color scheme though... it fits the power... but the suit is still just meh.
Art-Girl: It's missing some orange--I'm joking!
Shotgun: Of course you're joking.
DJ Nath: The underwear are a bit too defined for my liking.
Art-Girl: He has a polo collar. I don't like that. or the shoulder pads.
DJ Nath: As usual, I like the boots.
Havana Nights: And the cheekbones... You could hurt someone with that. Tyra would love him.
Shotgun: The lines of his crotch attract the eye and it makes me uncomfortable.
Art-Girl: What is up with the polo collar?!!
Havana Nights: I don't like that he parties with the ladies but never commits.
Shotgun: Charmer ok... but settle down, man.
Havana Nights: It's like he's only about the conquest... So macho. He looks... I don't know... Too hot for anyone's own good. Like, it's just overboard. Too much is like not enough.
DJ Nath: Seems too showoff-y to me.
Havana Nights: And he knows he's hot.
Art-Girl: Too sure of himself, it becomes unbearably cocky.
Shotgun: At least he looks more sympathetic in the banner. We don't have to look at his over-muscled legs.
DJ Nath: Seems like he would place too much importance to the way others perceive him, screw that.
Havana Nights: And I feel like he'd say "laaaadies" a lot.
Lip-Bomb: Ugh, he would totally.
Art-Girl: Looks like he's judging me. Telling me I'm a piece of dirt.
Havana Nights: I don't like it when someone talks to me and assumes I want to bang them.
Art-Girl: Yes, because not every chick needs to be screwed.
Shotgun: But the thing is... He's still hot.
Havana Nights: It's a real problem.
Shotgun: He doesn't have a choice. It's his super-power.
DJ Nath: Put that on a t-shirt.
Havana Nights: I also feel he'd have his arms around two other ladies while this whole conversation is going down. A-hole.
Shotgun: Oh God yes. I can see that.
Art-Girl: And he suggests a threesome, randomly. Ass.
Siskoid: I seem to remember comics where he does this, yes. (Puts his arms around girls, not threesomes... that I know of.)
Lip-Bomb: The wanting to be famous thing fits into all this too. Uuugh.
DJ Nath: I feel like he would laugh at the amount of sunscreen I use.
Havana Nights: Definitely. Hahaha!
Shotgun: OMG... THE TAN! IMAGINE THE TAN! If we dated, I could be tanned all year round!!!
Art-Girl: Noooooooo, the cancer!
Shotgun: (Just trying to find something positive to say, the poor guy.)
Havana Nights: Romance with a side of skin cancer, woohoo!
Lip-Bomb: I feel like he would get boring really fast.
Art-Girl: He would be boring from the start!
Lip-Bomb: Word.

On SW6's Inferno
Sun Boy never really changed his uniform in that continuity, but a younger version of him called Inferno (a temporal clone, don't ask) did sport a more fiery theme:
Siskoid: For those who didn't like the sun logo.
Art-Girl: I kinda like it. But again, ginger!
Lip-Bomb: Mullet much?
Art-Girl: Ginger mullet.
Havana Nights: The mullet! The jaw! The bagginess! I don't know where to look.
Siskoid: 90s.
Art-Girl: Worst!
Siskoid: 2990s.
Shotgun: HOLY CRAP HE LOOKS LIKE PETER DINKLAGE IN PIXELS.
DJ Nath: I like the suit, very girl on fire.
Siskoid: Nath, your comment will get surprisingly relevant soon.
Shotgun: (At this point, I would like to reassure the readers that I have not seen Pixels. I've only read its devastating reviews, and that is all. I have more respect for myself than that.)
Art-Girl: The outfit is cool, there are flames!
Havana Nights: Also, his hands are huge. I'd get lost in them.
Art-Girl: Imagine him cleaning wines glasses, impossible.
DJ Nath: still a weird smirk, what's up with that?
Havana Nights: Too much confidence.
Art-Girl: Turn off.
Lip-Bomb: He looks like he's trying to be tough.
Havana Nights: 'cause that's what gets him the ladies.
DJ Nath: His eyes are really blue in the newer version, that's cool. The sun on his belt is too. I'm for that.
Art-Girl: That the Legionnaire symbol, Nath.
Shotgun: That shooting star is always there.
DJ Nath: Then it's relevant for him, because it looks like a sun.
Lip-Bomb: He's got the sun on his belt, because he's the center of the universe.
Siskoid: I remember Inferno laughing at a girl who was trying out for the team because she was insecure and kind of dumpy, physically.
Havana Nights: ASS.
Siskoid: (I'm throwing him under the bus, but I think he was already down there.)
Shotgun: A-HOLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Art-Girl: WTF HOW DARE HE?!
Lip-Bomb: L FOR LOSER!
Havana Nights: He'd totally laugh at me and my tiny hands, then.
DJ Nath: Hahaha but yeah, screw that guy.
Shotgun: LOOK AS HIS FACE! Prick!
Lip-Bomb: We have reached the all caps rage portion of the article.
Art-Girl: This poor guy didn't even have a chance! Him and his a-hole of a face. I don't like to look at it too much, makes me mad slightly.
Lip-Bomb: I hope he has a super 90's voice. "Whooooooaaaaa!"
Siskoid: Ah damn, no, I think it was Lightning Lad doing that. I'm sorry Sun Boy!
Shotgun: WHAT??? Didn't I say LL was hot? Dammit.
DJ Nath: Well ok, retracted. Damn.
Havana Nights: ...I still feel he'd laugh at my tiny hands.
Art-Girl: HIS hands are too BIG.
Shotgun: I still think he's an a-hole, with a constipated face.
Siskoid: Aw no, found it, I was right about Inferno being mean:
Art-Girl: HOW DARE HE!!!! THAT ASS!
Lip-Bomb: WHAT A DOUCHE!
Havana Nights: Ugh.
DJ Nath: Yes, ugh.
Art-Girl: OMG I WANT TO SLAP HIS FACE SO BAD!
DJ Nath: F*** off! Again!
Lip-Bomb: "Lose some weight and I might have a one night stand with you, babe."
Art-Girl: "Or put on some make-up and do you hair, the natural look's not for you!" *voms and disappointment*
Shotgun: I really wish I didn't have to be so mean, but damn Siskoid... He's an a-hole.
Lip-Bomb: I bet if you actually got him on a date, he'd never asks you anything about you.
Art-Girl: Yes! It's just about him for two hours!
Shotgun: SO NO!
Lip-Bomb: Date with him = 5-hour one-man show. And by 5-hour show, I mean I left 4 hours and 55 minutes ago. Let's go camping and have him start a fire instead.
Siskoid: OK I HAVE A QUESTION. WHY DO YOU WANT TO ALWAYS TAKE LEGIONNAIRES CAMPING?!
Shotgun: Because it's cool?
Art-Girl: Because it's summer?
Havana Nights: Because they seem handy?
Lip-Bomb: Clearly, because powers are useful for nothing else.
Shotgun: Camping's the best.
DJ Nath: Hahaha, true test to any relationship, Siskoid.
Shotgun: Exactly!
DJ Nath: No internet, silence, and awkward bathroom situations. If you can go camping, you can do anything.
Shotgun: If the guy doesn't lose his cool because of the fire, the tent, the mosquitoes or me, he's a keeper. Guys, let's go to Fundy Park with all these useful guys!
Havana Nights: Legion party in the woods!
Shotgun: I went camping with my ex, and it didn't go very well. Notice that I said he was now my ex.
Siskoid: Ok, I know you like to chat about the Legion girls, but Sun Boy never really had a girlfriend. Howeverrrrrrr.....
Havana Nights: However?

On the female Inferno

In a different continuity, Inferno was replaced by a hot-headed FEMALE hero. She was from the 20th century, but joined the Legion after a time trip.
Art-Girl: Short hair, nice!
Havana Nights: She looks madz pissed.
DJ Nath: More like a biker than a hero to me, I think it's the shorts.
Art-Girl: Wow, she seems intense.
Lip-Bomb: She is the embodiment of the sound a kettle makes when it's boiling. The hair is awesome though.
Art-Girl: And the gloves Nath, the combinations! She could also be a wrestler.
DJ Nath: The hair is cool, I wish my hair could do that. It's girl on fire, take 2. Also, this girl is on fire! #WhatUpMusicReference
Lip-Bomb: Is she all up in the club? Screaming that this is her favorite song? *grinds*
Art-Girl: Every song about fire, THIS IS MY JAM!!!!
Lip-Bomb: Probably has some sweet dance moves.
Shotgun: I bet she has tattoos on her shoulders.
Havana Nights: Angel wings?
Art-Girl: Tramp stamp, with flames!
Shotgun: Anything really, but she's got tats, I can feel it.
Lip-Bomb: Her outfit is actually just a huge tattoo.
Art-Girl: Whatttttttt, badass!
Shotgun: She's a blond, so already an improvement.
Art-Girl: BLONDES FOR THE WIN!
Lip-Bomb: Does she have a similar personality?
Siskoid: Hot-headed, but not necessarily a ladies' man--uh, you know what I mean.
Shotgun: Makes sense that someone who controls heat and light would have a fiery personality.
Havana Nights: Yes. And I like that she's tiny, no crazy muscles... It's a different body type.
Shotgun: Not too skinny, not too much boob, hips... didn't go overboard on muscles either.
Art-Girl: Her boobs are still pretty present.
Havana Nights: But modest. So you don't confuse them with mountains.
Lip-Bomb: Yeah, it's more like normal athletic woman.
Havana Nights: It's humble.
DJ Nath: Yeah I agree, more normal body type for the win!
Shotgun: Yeah exactly, she wears a good C, but they're not over-exposed or anything.
Havana Nights: I feel she'd be more likely to wear crop tops.
Shotgun: But they way they're spread out... it's like a sports bra. They start under the arms and touch each other.
Art-Girl: They're my jam, haha. Imagine them with a low-cut shirt at the club.
Shotgun: Spandex, man... even *I* would look like I have small ones in that stuff.
Art-Girl: I want those boobs, or Dream Girl's from last time. Damn!
Havana Nights: I don't know if I'd take her camping though... She'd probably want to do all of the hard hikes.
Art-Girl: I think she'd get very impatient, at the drop of a hat.
Shotgun: No camping for her.
DJ Nath: Fingerless gloves seem like a waste of time.
Lip-Bomb: I want those boots.

On the Threeboot Sun Boy
After THAT time line collapsed, we had different looks for Sun Boy. Eventually this:
Art-Girl: That smile, no.
Havana Nights: Uuugh, meat head much?
Shotgun: The suit's more casual.
DJ Nath: Hmm.
Art-Girl: That no neck thing, no.
Shotgun: The guy looks nicer too. And more blond than ginger.
DJ Nath: I'm very unsure about a lot.
Art-Girl: His outfit looks like something I wear when I'm doing welding.
Lip-Bomb: I don't understand the jacket chest plate thing. What is happening?
Shotgun: The chest symbol doesn't look like it was drawn by a 4-year-old. But still, meh.
DJ Nath: He does seem nicer to me, like he would keep a door open if he saw I was coming over.
Art-Girl: He seems nicer, but not all that smart.
Shotgun: That's the lack of a neck that produces that effect.
Havana Nights: Man... Did anyone else notice THE BULGE. Hallo!
DJ Nath: The bulge is very distracting, I don't like being distracted by bulge.
Art-Girl: It's not just me who finds his crotch, well, more noticeable than before?
Shotgun: He's like a jock who only thinks about the size of his muscles.
Art-Girl: OMG.
Lip-Bomb: I just remembered his name is Dirk. (snicker)
DJ Nath: Hahaha geez!
Art-Girl: I like that we all thought "penis!" at the same time.
Shotgun: I guess we all agree.
Art-Girl: It's there. I can't look away. The lightning makes it worse. And its position. It's in my face.
Shotgun: I'm just glad I didn't mention it first.
DJ Nath: Also, damn fingerless gloves made it to the next version, I am disappointed.
Art-Girl: I LIKE fingerless gloves. I wear them in winter all the time.
Shotgun: Unpopular opinion right here, but I like fingerless gloves too.
Havana Nights: I guess he wouldn't have trouble keeping his fingertips hot now would he?
DJ Nath: We have gloves that let you text, WELCOME TO THE FUTURE!
Lip-Bomb: I think the jacket situation makes him look even more like a football player.
DJ Nath: I feel like the top and bottom of his outfit don't go together.
Art-Girl: Nice forearms. I started liking forearms after I enrolled in acrobatics classes at the gym.
Lip-Bomb: I hope he calls every girl Babe.
Siskoid: That version of him also wore (among other things):
Havana Nights: It's the Little Prince with a bulge.
Lip-Bomb: Is he doing ballet? What are these pants?
DJ Nath: Well that outfit is just boring, except for the giant sun on his chest.
Art-Girl:
He's melting.
Lip-Bomb: He doesn't need super powers. His sense of style is blinding.
Art-Girl: From awfulness!
Lip-Bomb: His hair is a bit... super saiyan...
Havana Nights: That really is one huge bulge.

The verdict
Art-Girl: I think it's obvious.
Shotgun: I'm out.
Art-Girl: Damn, we destroyed this guy. He deserves it, but hell.
Havana Nights: Physically maybe, all things considered, nope.
Shotgun: The only time he had a chance was when he was a chick.
Art-Girl: And even that chicks seemed too intense.
DJ Nath: Nope, not even a little bit. I'll go to the moon and back with someone else. He could have been cute, but what's the point?
Lip-Bomb: This was our chance to say "hot" and it would have worked with the powers. You ruined it Sun Boy.
Siskoid: A spaceship recently fell on his face... but it didn't hurt as much as this discussion.
Shotgun: Wait, he's dead? Now I almost feel bad (almost).
Art-Girl: Yes, Siskoid, we were a bit harsh.
Shotgun: A spaceship on the face... that's dramatic.
Lip-Bomb: It's fine, his brain was what we disliked anyway.
DJ Nath: How does that even happen? Specifically on your face?
Art-Girl: Too cocky.
Lip-Bomb: "I'll catch it. Trust me."
Shotgun: He was too busy trying to pick up a chick on the ship. Or looking at his reflection in the mirror.
Havana Nights: "I kept wondering, why is this gorgeous reflection coming closer? Then it hit me."
(General laughter)
Lip-Bomb: BURN!
Shotgun: Oooohhhh i see what you did there!
Art-Girl: So nothing here, physically or mentally. We are not on the same page for settling down and building a life together. And everything about his personality was one turn-off after the other. I'll take a big pass on this one. I don't even want to be friends. He'd sooooo work at my office. Ewwww.
Shotgun: Is it just me or is getting warm in here? Sun Boy's revenge?
Art-Girl: Menopause! Or just summer in the city.
Lip-Bomb: Is it Sun Boy or Menopause? The new Buzzfeed quiz!
Art-Girl: Hahahahaha, I  would do that test! Brilliant!
Shotgun: That's one thing we didn't touch on. Imagine hanging out with him. He's a FURNACE. You're always sweating. The cost of deodorant alone.
Havana Nights: Well, he must be able to control it.
Lip-Bomb: Hold on... is he constantly trying to pick up girls because... he's in heat?
Havana Nights: You win.
Art-Girl: I just saw him in a new light, but it doesn't help.
Havana Nights: He's a victim of his powers. It's not his fault.
Art-Girl: get him nurtured--Neutered, sorry!
Havana Nights: Hehe... I like that typo!

Next: We make a hard 180 degree turn.

3 comments:

  1. I enjoy these posts the most of all the things we post.
    Thank you all!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Sun-Boy is an ass. Glad to see the ladies caught that early on. Funny! Very funny!

    ReplyDelete
  3. The team is super-appreciative of your feedback, Anj!

    ReplyDelete