Saturday, February 27, 2016

Tellus and Quislet: Hot or Not?

Our group of candid women with no real Legion knowledge tackle the datability vector of the Legion's two most alien members. Cross-species Hot? Or Not?
Our honorary Legion members are...
Art-Girl - Even all her anime experience didn't prepare her for this.
DJ Nath - Mind linked to her sister Lip-Bomb, it is entirely possible they started the YouTube channel Mindlinked completely independently.
Havana Nights - Not going to settle for the first methane-breather that comes along, you've been warned.
Shotgun - Knee-jerk reactions could be hurtful, but that's all she's got.
Moderator: Siskoid - The most alien one here.
And note that now the girls are now doing a podcast with the same premise, only over in the Marvel Universe in oHOTmu or NOT? every three weeks.

Siskoid: This is it, guys. The last two Legionnaires from the classic era. Yes, two. As both Tellus and Quislet are inhuman, even inhumanoid, members of the Legion, their datability profile is probably compromised. So we're doing them together. Or rather, one after the other. For completeness' sake at least.
Shotgun: ... we'll see about that
Art-Girl: Twinsies!!!

First impressions on Tellus
Tellus (Ganglios of Hykraius) is, like all his people, telepathic and telekinetic. And his world is a vast methane ocean (they call it Great Mother Ocean); he needs breathing apparatus to breathe out atmosphere, but loves swimming. As a Legionnaire, he's a bit awkward on account of not understand humans very well, but a rather contemplative thinker. After saving Mon-El and helping defeat the Fatal Five, he became more confident and assertive, eventually being the one who called out much senior members on their crap, perhaps because it stings a whole lot when people you trusted and idolized turn out to be flawed people. And Tellus really was too trusting at first.
Art-Girl: O_O
Havana Nights: Aww poor Tellus. Wait what. Uhm...
DJ Nath: Huh.
Shotgun: Hahaha I was reading the definition and I was, like, yep, yep, this one is mine, but...
Art-Girl: Yaaa description was great and then this... ehhh... this... thing...?
Shotgun: It's a... hot...?... pet???
Shotgun: You're right, that's offensive.
DJ Nath: Does he get a really good cellphone deal from Telus?
Art-Girl: Hahaha. He reminds me of Toothless!
DJ Nath: Aww you know what? I'm not opposed to him. I kind of just want to give him a hug.
Havana Nights: Well... Uhm... We both like swimming?
Art-Girl: We could do laps together in my pool.
DJ Nath: He looks like he would like hugs.
Lip-Bomb: He does look like he'd give decent hugs.
Shotgun: Is it... he... he-it... huge?
Siskoid: Bulky, but man-sized.
Shotgun: Okay, the pictures gave me the impression that he was gigantic.
DJ Nath: He looks scaly which I'm ok with, but the purple bubble things are a little uncomfortable.
Lip-Bomb: Is the back bit like a... carapace?
Art-Girl: What's on his back?
Siskoid: Your guess is as good as mine.
Lip-Bomb: I like the tail. The tail is cool.
Havana Nights: I think I'm friend-zoning him.
Siskoid: I've always thought of it as a carapace, but it could be soft tissue.
Art-Girl: I thought it was like blisters.
DJ Nath: His arms seem too big, kind of reverse T-rex. Very sloth-like.
Art-Girl: He reminds me of a sloth; I think that's why I want to hug him.
Shotgun: The powers are pretty great too, Telepathy AND telekinesis... awesome.
Lip-Bomb: I'm not a huge fan of the telepathy thing... Get out of my brain!
Art-Girl: Nath, get out of her mind!
Siskoid: Mindlink Girl not a fan of telepathy.
Shotgun: Paradox. Our universe just exploded.
Lip-Bomb: Cause I live with it every day. It's a CURSE!!!
DJ Nath: *sobs uncontrollably*
Lip-Bomb: *feels your pain*
Art-Girl: *starts crying uncontrollably as well* Vicious circle.
Siskoid: Telepathy is intrusive, so he doesn't use it on friends except to broadcast his words.
Art-Girl: Broadcast his words! That sounds adorable and so sweet!
Shotgun: Well that's nice of you, Tellus.
DJ Nath: I mean, I'd go to the beach with him.
Art-Girl: I want to bring him to a play park. He could push me on the swings.
Lip-Bomb: Does he have a family? I'm not sure I want to visit his mother in the methane ocean for Christmas.
Shotgun: I like the idea of telekinetic power... but oh God, I'd become super-fat. I would never get off the couch.
Art-Girl: Or the bed!!!
Shotgun: BED!!! My one true love.
Havana Nights: I like that he calls others out on their crap.
Shotgun: Yeah, that's cool.
DJ Nath: Yeah, it's pretty awesome that he stands up for himself even with people he admires.
Lip-Bomb: I like that he has telepathic powers, but has trouble understanding people.
DJ Nath: That's hard.
Art-Girl: He sounds innocent! And sees things for what they are.
Shotgun: A bit like a child. I had my share of men-children, thank you very much.
Lip-Bomb: I hope he cracks jokes telepathically to one person in the room, and then that person is just laughing out loud alone.
Shotgun: I'd always be a target because of my stupid explosive laugh.
DJ Nath: Aw man, I would mock people constantly.
Art-Girl: I would tell all the dead baby jokes!
Lip-Bomb: I'm glad he's a bit innocent. With that power, I'd be a huge ass.
Art-Girl: He's innocent, but uses it responsibly as well; I feel he would understand where to draw the line. He would respect that line and would not want to hurt the people he loves and admires.
Siskoid: Dare we ask...

The verdict
Shotgun: I can't... sigh.
Havana Nights: I mean, I can't say hot. I'm sympathetic towards him and respect him, but like I said... He's friend-zoned. There's no attraction for me there.
DJ Nath: I'm not attracted to him. But he does seem like a nice guy. I think we would be friends. You do you Tellus.
Shotgun: I mean, he has qualities, in principle, but it's not like I can imagine a relationship with someone/something ... AAAGGGHHH SEE!!!?? I'd be the worst person ever. Always so disrespectful.
Art-Girl: Warm!!! I don't see us dating, but I see us being good friends! I want to hang out with him, I truly do. He sound like someone I can get along with. But if feelings would start to blossom, I would see where it takes us. Because from my past, all my boyfriend were friends at the start, guys I had no interest in, and suddenly bam! So WARM! Also I want to go camping with him and go on a picnic!
Shotgun: So Not... but a cool friend for sure. We could develop a signal that gives him the right to read my thoughts and communicate stuff and it would be hilarious.
Art-Girl: Like, imagine him drinking tea and eating crumpets. ADORABLE!
DJ Nath: Oh yeah, cute.
Lip-Bomb: You know... I actually quite like him. He's respectful and decently confident and has some sweet powers that he uses well. Physically, he might be just too much of a lizard-turtle, but we could be pretty good friends. What do you think readers? Tellus in the comments.
DJ Nath: Haha!
Siskoid: Lol.
Shotgun: Bravo.
Siskoid: So, undatable swamp monster, okay. But I may have kept the best for last. Next up is...

First impressions of Quislet
Quislet (YXO of Teall) is an explorer from a micro-universe who decided to stay in our reality. He/she/it (doesn't really have a gender) is really something closer to energy, and what we see of Quislet is really its ship. Quislet only comes out to use its power, possessing inanimate objects and turning them into a battle-ready body; when Quislet leaves the body, it soon turns to dust. Quislet is curious, gossipy, and egocentric (he doesn't think he needs training, for example). It speaks in a high, chirpy voice and a sarcastic tone that irritates some, though others think him a lively conversationalist. Quislet likes to keep things light, however, loves to have fun, and is generally a morale booster.
Art-Girl: Hahaha. Come on. Nope.
DJ Nath: Man, this is amazing.
Shotgun: That's ahh... nice ship you got there.
Art-Girl: This is silly. It's like 2001: A Space Odyssey's ship, but sillier. I just... what?!
Lip-Bomb: So me and Quislet? I'm not sure I 'ship it.
DJ Nath: Haha... Can we go in the ship? Or would that be invasive?
Art-Girl: He'll take you on one hell of a ride, if you know what I mean!
Siskoid: The ship is tiny.
Shotgun: Hahaha.
DJ Nath: Awh that makes it so cute haha.
Art-Girl: Can one of my cats fit?
Siskoid: About the size of your head. Quislet itself is like, a particle or something.
Siskoid: Moustronauts? Pixar movie right there.
Art-Girl: AWWWWW!
Siskoid: They do say the moon is made of cheese.
Shotgun: Not big enough to travel in, but too big to be a sex toy; I'm out.
Lip-Bomb: I love the other characters awkwardly standing in the background.
Siskoid: That's all the Legionnaires he joined with, in distorted Quislet-vision presumably.
Havana Nights: Everything about that character description irritates me.
DJ Nath: I'm all for some sarcasm, but if his voice is annoying that would really ruin it for me.
Shotgun: I can't handle gossip.
DJ Nath: I really hate when people assume they know what they're doing when they don't. That sucks for everyone.
Lip-Bomb: So a tiny high-pitch flying thing buzzing around your head? I feel like that's a metaphor.
Art-Girl: Sounds like a Disney companion.
Shotgun: I don't like that it turns objects into weapons.
Siskoid: Well, fighting robots.
Shotgun: Dude... don't we have enough real weapons already? (I just saw the irony of someone called Shotgun bitching about too many weapons.)
Art-Girl: Hotgun, imagine the possibilities.
Lip-Bomb: Haha Hotgun.
Shotgun: Hotgun... I'm ok with that.
Siskoid: With his skill with matter, he was the one who made Wildfire a physical body.
Art-Girl: How?
Shotgun: Science.
Art-Girl: But he has no hands!!! Where's Science Girl to explain crap when I need it?
Shotgun: I can hear the echo of Science Girl from afar shouting "THAT'S RIGHT TELL HER!"
Siskoid: He has hands when he possesses objects.
DJ Nath: I mean that's cool, uses his powers to help out others.
Art-Girl: I do like that he uses his power for good.

The verdict
DJ Nath: Overall, he sounds more like a sidekick than a boyfriend to me. Also, the risk of being annoyed is very real...
Havana Nights: Word.
Shotgun: ...  That's my verdict. Or rather, it reminds me of that annoying thing in Zelda... Navi... Tiny voice, condescending, flies around you and tries to attract attention. "HEY!! LISTEN!!!"
Siskoid: Yeah there's one in Halo too. That sings.
Art-Girl: OMG my ex had Navi as a ring tone. I wanted to kill him! Quislet - Weird space thingy that talks in a annoying voice. Sure, I like sarcasm, but not with that voice. Can't take me or my cats out in space, big disappointment. And also, like, the physical part of the relationship would be lacking! I am not okay with that... It's a pass for sure on this one.
Lip-Bomb: As much as I like sarcasm, light-heartedness and a bit of arrogance, I think Quislet would get very annoying real quick. Cool ship though. Also, my brain keeps saying Kate Quinslet.
Siskoid: WHERE IS MY QUISLET / SKEETS TEAM-UP?!! (Sorry, thought I was talking to nerds for a second.)
Shotgun: I ship Skeets/Quislet now that I've googled it. I guess I'm just going back to me first and only true love. MY BED! YAY!
Art-Girl: Bed, cat, computer, fridge, I am set for life.

On the end of an era

Siskoid: So we've come to the end. We've done all the Legionnaires from the original 30-year run of the Legion, both boys AND girls (and its). How do you feel?
Art-Girl: Sad. Very sad. I want to cry.
Havana Nights: Mostly sick. (Unrelated)
Shotgun: We're now basically dead to our fans. We no longer exist. We're just a memory. I'm really overly dramatic tonight...
Lip-Bomb: We can't be friends anymore, basically.
Shotgun: We will go on our separate ways.
DJ Nath: I'm sure everyone who reads this blog will be like RIP in peace Hot or Not.
Art-Girl: I love you guys!
DJ Nath: I just can't believe it's been a year! This was fun and we got to be catty, which I never actually do.
Lip-Bomb: What are we supposed to do now? Nothing.
Art-Girl: The Subs! The rejects!
Siskoid: Good idea.
Lip-Bomb: Yes let's do the Legion of Terrible Ones We Let Audition.
Siskoid: Did we only marry Science Girl off (to Mon-El) or did anyone else get hit by Cupid's arrow?
Shotgun: I think I was pretty sold on Colossal Boy. And I might have been into Lightning Lad too.
Lip-Bomb: I don't think I got paired off.
Art-Girl: Me neither. Should we do an episode where you marry us off?
Siskoid: Art-Girl, you only fell for the gay ones.
Art-Girl: And the girls.
Shotgun: Shrinking Violet mmmhmmmm.
Lip-Bomb: The girls were awesome. Far superior.
Siskoid: I don't disagree.
Art-Girl: The guys never stepped up!
Shotgun: Art-Girl was really invested in Invisible Kid, the first of his name.
Siskoid: There was a lot of crushing on Magnetic Kid last time.
Art-Girl: What about Sun Boy? He was nice. :P
Shotgun: Gross... damn Sun Boy.
Lip-Bomb: We committed to the bit.
Siskoid: You're so terrible to Sun Boy, I can suppose it's sexual tension.
Shotgun: Hahaha. Perhaps...
Lip-Bomb: Ew.
Art-Girl: I *eyeroll* to his name automatically now.
DJ Nath: He sucks.

Next: We'll look at some Subs.
DJ Nath: Whoo!
Shotgun: YAYAYAYAYAY!! #DeadNotDead
Havana Nights: Omnomnom.
Siskoid: Chicken Teriyaki, Havana?
Havana Nights: Cold cut combo, always.


  1. Have'em do our DC Adventures Legionnaires now.

  2. Cool - love them Subs!

    But let's not exclusively do the Giffen versions. I can't say I'm a big fan of his later Legion art. It's like he forgot half the anatomy he learned in art school.

  3. They are not big fans of Giffen, you're right. I plan to show various costumes, so original, Giffenized, later Johns versions.

  4. Hooray, I get Tellus to myself! Look at the size of his hands! He's packing heat. And there's that tail. Unless that tail IS his heat...