Our group of candid women with no real Legion knowledge asked to check out the Substitute-Heroes. What will they think of that team's version of their most hated Legionnaire?
Our honorary Legion members are...
Art-Girl - Warm hands, warm heart.
DJ Nath - Has the sniffles, could get dangerous.
Havana Nights - Has a sultry code name.
Lip-Bomb - Cold hands, warm hea--nah, cold heart. With her sister Nath, she co-hosts the YouTube channel Mind Linked.
Science Girl - Just got a new job. Something about eyes. Possibly studying why so many superheroes have white ones.
Shotgun - Fire detectors go off in her presence.
Moderator: Siskoid - Eating raw onions, trying to develop Fire Lad's power.
And note that now the girls are now doing a podcast with the same premise, only over in the Marvel Universe in oHOTmu or NOT? every three weeks.
First impressions on Fire Lad
Fire Lad (Staq Mavlen of Shwar) gained the power to breathe fire by inhaling the fumes from a meteor, but he didn't realize it could be dangerous until he visited Earth, with its richer oxygen atmosphere. But the Legion felt it was perhaps TOO dangerous, especially during allergy season. And Fire Lad has been shown to suffer from an itchy nose, as well as a queasy stomach. Fortunately for the competitive applicant, he was found by Polar Boy, another reject who felt that even rejected applicants could be useful, and became one of the original members of the Legion of Substitute Heroes. He's a bit of a gamer, and likes artistic pursuits.
Shotgun: It's the better version of Sun Boy.
Science Girl: He suffers from allergies. #Relatable
DJ Nath: I also have allergies, so we can live dangerously together.
Art-Girl: So he's Iroh from Avatar with the fire breathing, I am super okay with this! All of the allergies!
Havana Nights: Likes gaming? Competitive? Basically every one of my ex-boyfriends.
Shotgun: I'm going to say it right now to get it out of the way - super practical in camping situations. Unless it's allergy season and the tent explodes.
DJ Nath: I like his suit, it's not over-complicated and represents well what he does, bravo.
Havana Nights: I don't like the suit... I find it awkward. With the flame around the shoulders? Meh.
DJ Nath: I like that it represents the levels of a flame, darker in the middle, lighter on top.
Shotgun: I particularly like his hair. Not the color obviously, but the cut.
Art-Girl: I like the belt. Nice statement piece.
Science Girl: He seems quirky. He's like a manic pixie dream substitute hero.
Art-Girl: The orange. That's all I have to say.
Havana Nights: He does seem like the most... I don't know... human/relatable/most like our friends hero we've seen?
DJ Nath: And the cape isn't overly long, which I appreciate.
Lip-Bomb: I'm digging the hair. Very fiery.
Art-Girl: Looks like he puts gel in his hair.
DJ Nath: He reminds me of Heat Miser in the best way.
Art-Girl: Gel is never pretty or good in hair.
Havana Nights: I hope the hair isn't spiky to the touch.
Art-Girl: I feel it is. And it's not a good thing.
Siskoid: In some cases, the hair was styled like fire, in others (later) his hair actually was fire.
Havana Nights: How 90's of him to have spiky hair.
Art-Girl: Actual fire, that sounds dangerous in the bedroom.
Shotgun: Nah, it's an action shot. The heat from the fire creates wind that flows through his hair.
Lip-Bomb: Well it's not like he could get frosted tips.
DJ Nath: Haha.
Shotgun: She he's Hades.
Art-Girl: Does the hair react to his emotion?
Shotgun: I like his musculature. Just right. Not too much yet still present.
DJ Nath: He should go to rap shows. Spitting fire is a thing right?
Havana Nights: I mean, the fact that he has little control over his power makes him both endearing and terrifying
Lip-Bomb: It must have been something the first time he realized the whole fire breathing thing.
Art-Girl: Blow out candles - Cake on fire.
Shotgun: He's a dragon. I'm in.
Havana Nights: I'm surprised he never joined a circus.
Lip-Bomb: Did he inhale the fumes of a meteor, like by accident? Or is he a drug addict?
Art-Girl: It was the new drug at the time. He wanted to be cool.
DJ Nath: And he is, he's dragon born.
Lip-Bomb: Chasing meteors with straws.
DJ Nath: Haha.
Lip-Bomb: Is his torso weird? Something is bothering me.
Science Girl: Too wide?
Havana Nights: It is quite large and long.
Art-Girl: The rib and the pecs are too far apart.
Science Girl: Or maybe it's the tiny legs?
DJ Nath: I think it's his position that makes it weird.
Shotgun: The pecs are too high up.
Lip-Bomb: It's wide all the way down. It's strange
Art-Girl: His left arm is really tiny. Like, compared to the rest.
Lip-Bomb: One tiny pec.
Science Girl: Someone skipped leg day.
DJ Nath: His body is more relatable.
Siskoid: This is his teenage self, he grew up to be tall and thin.
Art-Girl: Tall and thin???? I like that.
Shotgun: Pics or it didn't happen.
Lip-Bomb: But still plagued by one tiny pec.
Art-Girl: I like when they're super tall and tiny, like giraffes.
Lip-Bomb: Well being in the circus is hard work. He's fit.
Siskoid: Well... if we move on...
On becoming comic relief
The Subs were actually fairly useful for a while, but after some difficult years where they were mostly comic relief, they disbanded. Fire Lad went to work for a company that makes recreations of antique glassware. He became a master glassblower and some of his work is displayed in art galleries. He had a couple of hair styles during the comedy era.
Shotgun: Nope nope nope.
Havana Nights: Oh my, that's scary.
Science Girl: ---->David Bowie. Ground control to Major Fail AMIRITE?
Havana Nights: But yeah, way to put your talent to good use!
Art-Girl: 110% love the blown glass idea.
DJ Nath: He's too lanky, it's creepy.
Havana Nights: I don't mind the lankiness. (I'm on your side, Siskoid.)
Art-Girl: I love the lankiness, awkward giraffe! And he will be taller than me, big plus.
Shotgun: Great career choice, but damn son... dial down the make-up!
DJ Nath: He just looks like he would be so tall. Too tall.
Art-Girl: I could wear all my 4-5 inch heels and not care.
Science Girl: Or too skinny.
Art-Girl: Casual Fridays with this outfit.
Lip-Bomb: I hope he goes to work at the glass place in that outfit.
Havana Nights: Oh my God, the picture on the right, he's sneezing!!! I can relate to intense sneezes!
Shotgun: The cape is so wrong. Just looks like ripped curtains.
DJ Nath: His stomach makes him look like he's sick or lost too much weight.
Lip-Bomb: True, sort of caved in.
Art-Girl: Maybe he tries hard to gain weight, but he just can't. Happens.
DJ Nath: It just makes me uncomfortable.
Shotgun: Well, he can only eat cinder. Imagine trying to gain weight when you burn everything as it goes down.
Lip-Bomb: He must get major heartburn.
Science Girl: #relatableAdulthoodProblems. Also, fire brows.
Lip-Bomb: Wait wait are his eyebrows fire?
Science Girl: Yes.
Art-Girl: Eyebrows on fleek?
Science Girl: Eyebrows on flaaame.
DJ Nath: Man, they are, that's amazing. And I don't like the cape either. I get that it looks like flames, but really it's just torn.
Art-Girl: I don't like that it's connected to his arms and not just around his neck.
Shotgun: I miss his belt... the costume would be less awkward with it.
Siskoid: What do you think of the mohawk (right)?
Havana Nights: Meh.
Shotgun: What mohawk?
Lip-Bomb: Too thin.
Science Girl: Bleh.
Shotgun: There's no mohawk.
Havana Nights: Looks like a rooster.
Shotgun: I don't see it. I refuse to see it.
Art-Girl: On the right. It just looks bad.
Shotgun: Okay yup. It really looks bad.
DJ Nath: I'm ok with it, I mean it's dangerous but ok. Makes him look like he's in a biker gang a little.
Shotgun: And I care too much about hair on a man to enjoy it.
DJ Nath: Me too.
Art-Girl: I am going with it. But it's still bad.
Havana Nights: I don't like the other haircut either... it's like a weird slicked-back thing or a buzz cut.
Art-Girl: And what about my pillows!? Like when we go to bed! Do they need to be fire proof?
DJ Nath: Yeah, sleeping would be terrifying.
On the 5YL Staq
He joined Invisible Kid 2's Resistance, along with the other Subs, when evil aliens secretly took over Earth. Training to get his powers under better control made him develop a lisp (and a bit more muscle mass), but he nevertheless emerged as a good leader during this time.
Art-Girl: AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW HE HAS A LISP!!!!!!
Shotgun: He looks ancient.
Havana Nights: He looks terrifying.
DJ Nath: HOW ARE THESE THE SAME PERSON?!
Science Girl: He looks like a really old elf.
Lip-Bomb: Why doesn't he have eyes?
Havana Nights: Yeah and what's with the ears?
Siskoid: He's not human.
Havana Nights: Oh. I missed that part.
Lip-Bomb: Yes, but he's the same character.
Shotgun: And he looked human at first.
Art-Girl: Elf ears!
DJ Nath: Is he in Lord of the Rings?
Siskoid: He does enjoy fantasy role-playing games apparently.
Art-Girl: He would play D&D with me! I'm excited!
Havana Nights: It's weird that the RPG-thing makes him more real to me.
Siskoid: He's had those ears since the second pic.
Art-Girl: Didn't notice to be honest.
Shotgun: I want the teen version again please.
Art-Girl: And his nose looks like Voldemort's! Like, it looks flat.
Lip-Bomb: That's a leap. That must have been some training, geez. You want to go to the gym? Sure. You might loose a nose though. Heads up.
Shotgun: Why does he have ski goggles?
Science Girl: Goggles are like the fingerless gloves of the face.
Shotgun: I agree. Goggles are just a weird accessory. Why.
DJ Nath: Well I like the goggles.
Art-Girl: Was going skiing right after. Like every Sunday afternoon.
DJ Nath: Well, everything is constantly on fire! Protection for his eyes.
Shotgun: Like welding glasses? That could make sense, IF HE HAD EYES!
DJ Nath: I think so.
Siskoid: Good point, maybe part of why he lacked control is that he couldn't see where he was breathing.
Science Girl: But why would his eyes not be fireproof?
Siskoid: Fireproof, but not brightness proof?
Science Girl: Maybe.
Siskoid: It's your call Science Girl, you're the eye expert.
Science Girl: I'm gonna go with the brightness defense.
Shotgun: So they save Sun Boy? I'm not okay with that.
Siskoid: Sort of, Sun Boy was alive but a burnt up zombie.
DJ Nath: His belt looks like he's going to build a sun deck.
Shotgun: He looks like your basic white dad.
Art-Girl: Looks like Indiana Jones a bit. Like with that jacket.
Lip-Bomb: If the goggles were a bow tie, there would be something like Matt Smith's Doctor about it.
Art-Girl: .............love it. Lets put a bow tie on him immediately.
Lip-Bomb: You know what? I'm cool with the ears.
Siskoid: Ready for the next look?
Art-Girl: I am scared for the next picture! Just keeps going down hill.
On his most recent look
Shotgun: Ahhhhh excellent.
Art-Girl: Pleasantly surprised.
Havana Nights: Oh well hello.
DJ Nath: Now we're talking.
Shotgun: I want that suit. Perfect for riding a motorcycle.
Art-Girl: Hey there, my name Art-Girl, what's yours, hot stuff?
DJ Nath: I appreciate that his hair is smoking.
Art-Girl: Just like he is.
Havana Nights: I like that his fiery hair is a lot more subtle.
Shotgun: Still no eyes, but I could get around that detail.
Siskoid: With goggles, Shotgun?
Lip-Bomb: At least he's not all Nosferatu with it.
Havana Nights: I really like his chest here. I'd hang out in his arms.
Art-Girl: Good shoulder/waist ratio.
Shotgun: The hair is awesome. I can still run my hair through it, and it'll be all warm.
Science Girl: He's like a more fiery Ryan Gosseling.
DJ Nath: His body is good, not ridiculous but not a skeleton. Also, the suit is badass.
Art-Girl: I love the suit.
DJ Nath: I want to wear it and be awesome.
Havana Nights: The cheekbones are intense as... I'm not quite sure, but you can't miss them.
Shotgun: Popped his collar though, meh.
Art-Girl: I like the short sleeves.
DJ Nath: It's understated cool.
Lip-Bomb: I like the suit too. What's on his belt though?
Shotgun: A bolt? Or is it a hole?
Havana Nights: And I kind of like that he's serious and intense. Come frown with me!
Art-Girl: And the fire logo reminded me of the fire symbol in Avatar so again I love it.
Shotgun: Yeah, not too obvious, just right.
Lip-Bomb: The logo reminds me of basketball. I have no idea why and also I know nothing about basketball.
Shotgun: He'd be so warm, perfect for cuddles.
Havana Nights: As long as he doesn't sneeze.
Art-Girl: Honey, the bath water is cold, put a finger in it, all warm again. Perfect life right there.
DJ Nath: Being on a leather couch in summer would suuuuccckkkk.
Siskoid: I don't think he can finger-warm your bath, Art-Grl, he'd have to breathe on it.
Art-Girl: Okay well warm it up with your breath. I'm still happy.
Siskoid: Or hard-boiled...
Shotgun: He just exhales and steam comes out of his nose and your bathroom turns into a sauna.
Lip-Bomb: You know what's a bad idea? Sexily blowing in ears.
DJ Nath: Haha man.
Art-Girl: Aw no!
Havana Nights: but that's always weird.
Science Girl: Yep, not sexy.
Siskoid: A lot of ups and downs, but ultimately... Fire Lad: Hot or Not?
Shotgun: Well he breathes fire... duh.
Siskoid: That didn't stop you from pronouncing Sun Boy dead cold.
Art-Girl: It's the lisp, I find it adorable because I had one as a child - it comes out when I am tired - so right there, it melts m heart. Sun Boy's personality did the work for us, he didn't have a chance.
Havana Nights: Ahhh it's so hard to decide... Cuz at first, because of the personality, I was totally on board. But then he got suuuuper weird, and ended up redeeming himself... I guess I'm not cold to him, but I'd have to see where things go. It's not an automatic Hot. Well, except for that last picture. Yum.
DJ Nath: I really like his personality. He seems like a real guy I could know and date. His appearance is a little scary at times but overall, hot and dateable.
Science Girl: I was going to go with not 'cuz of the whole "could kill me if he sneezes" thing but, like, he's super attractive, so HOT.
Shotgun: I'd like to have a definitive answer, but he's had so many horrific designs... I'm just going to forget the mohawk and the white eyes and focus on the first and last pictures. So Hot. Plus I'd have the best glass decorations around. And I'd want a matching biker suit and we'd ride and be badasses.
DJ Nath: And now I'm going to take a warm bath, hahaha for real.
Lip-Bomb: I'm saying hot. I like a geeky gamer artists. The appearance is hit and miss, but I think it would be worth shoveling some coal in the fire and see what happens. Also maybe let's move to a more hypoallergenic environment.
Shotgun: Ah damn, yeah. No pets.
Art-Girl: His personalty is great, I love it. He seems like a real guy I could date and have stuff in common with and relate to. He's a geek, we could cosplay together and have loads of fun. We could play fantasy games all the time. His looks go up and down, but we all change in life, we don't always stay the same. We need to be more accepting about physical changes. and the lisp I just find super endearing. So for me, it's a big huge flaming HOT!!! AND I'll save money on heating bills during the Canadian winter.
Next: Not the most active Substitute Legionnaire.
Havana Nights: It's Lazy Lad!
Shotgun: If it's Lazy Lad, I AM SO IN!
DJ Nath: Sloth Lad.
Art-Girl: Couch Potato Lad.
Shotgun: Nap Lad would basically be love at first sight.
Art-Girl: You just nap on your first date.
Havana Nights: Man, if I'm comfortable enough to nap with someone, it's a damn good sign.
Shotgun: Naps and cuddles and dreams and... yuuusssss.