Saturday, November 7, 2015

Chemical King: Hot or Not?

A group of candid women with no real Legion knowledge tell us which Legionnaires they have chemistry with.
Our honorary Legion members are...
Art-Girl - Knows how to mix paints.
DJ Nath - Knows how to mix tunes.
Havana Nights - Knows how to mix a mean goulash.
Lip-Bomb - Knows how to mix and match cool clothes. Co-star of Mind Linked, on You-Tube, with her sister DJ Nath.
Science Girl - The only actual scientist in the gang, and quick to tell Siskoid the above examples aren't great examples of chemistry.
Shotgun - Not a biochemist, but studied maths. Counts for something. Probably.
Moderator: Siskoid - Disappointed his paternal unit by not going into the sciences.

First impressions of Chemical King
Chemical King (AKA Condo Arlik of Phlon) has the mutant ability to speed up or slow down chemical reactions (affect a person's metabolism, rust metals, drain batteries, affect fire, etc.). He was the first Legionnaire drafted from the ranks of the Legion Academy. Chemical King was sometimes plagued by self-doubt, though often shown as superficial and spoiled, showing off his sky car, for example, and generally taking his job lightly.
Havana Nights: Ohhhh a King, not a Kid or a Lad.
DJ Nath: Awesome name.
Science Girl: Arlik his name. ZINNNNNG!
Shotgun: God.
Lip-Bomb: Boo.
Science Girl: Boo yourself.
Lip-Bomb: You should buy a condo together.
Shotgun: Is he really a king or is it just that he controls chemical reactions so self-proclaimed himself Chemical King?
Siskoid: No, no, just a name.
Havana Nights: Why is his chest so big. His proportions are really weird.
Art-Girl: He has a big rib cage, don't judge, he's one of us!!!
Science Girl: He's so buff.
Art-Girl: His arm feels longer than the normal boy.
DJ Nath: He looks like he's throwing dust in someone's face.
Lip-Bomb: He looks like he's trying to catch a Frisbee.
Science Girl: His thighs are hhuuuuggeee.
Shotgun: Yeah, his proportions are silly weird.
Havana Nights: But his lips in the back picture are pouty and dreamy.
Art-Girl: But he looks in pain at the bottom left, geez!
DJ Nath: Tortured soul?
Art-Girl: The surprint picture looks like an old-timey black and white actor from the 20's.
Havana Nights: Dreamy.
Shotgun: He really has feminine lips. Not a bad thing, but it's really out there.
Havana Nights: Androgyny FTW!
Science Girl: I bet he would hate camping.
Art-Girl: He would definitely be a bad camper.
Havana Nights: He'd be showing of his fancy tent.
Science Girl: Yup, he's probably, like, scared of bugs or watevs.
DJ Nath: But would be useful in the campfire department. I feel a bit indifferent about the hair though - it looks nice, not sure it's strokable.
Art-Girl: Not strokable, lots of gel and grease. Nope. Nope. Nopeppy nope!
DJ Nath: Probably a lot of product in his hair right now.
Science Girl: Yeah, I'm not digging the combed back hairdo.
Havana Nights: He probably puts a lot of gel in his hair to compensate for his insecurity.
Lip-Bomb: Can he fix his hair with his power? Sure, because science!
Art-Girl: Is the beaker in the background a spaceship? If so, man that's cool.
*Siskoid keeps mum*
Havana Nights: Not crazy about the high-wasted black undies on top of his suit.
Lip-Bomb: I like the green. But why the turtle neck?
DJ Nath: I also like the green, his suit is pretty good, could do without the panties over tights look though.
Art-Girl: The whole outfit is just like, mehhhh.
DJ Nath: I like what he's wearing, but I don't think it really says anything about his powers.
Art-Girl: Also, are those lapels?
DJ Nath: That is one very deep "V".
Art-Girl: Could you imagine if he didn't have the turtle neck under that deep V? He would be like Fabio on those romance novels.
Lip-Bomb: I just noticed that the pointy bit at the top of the boots. More "V"s.
DJ Nath: I wish he was wearing a crown or something.
Science Girl: The lapels feel very Kate Middleton Royal wedding-esque. Have I been watching a "Say Yes to the Dress" marathon? Yes, yes I have.
Art-Girl: I have too, I'm not proud of myself.
Havana Nights: I'm jealous.
Shotgun: The green lapels look like an actual sports coat deal.
DJ Nath: My Chemical Romance? Not really feeling it yet
Science Girl: I bet he's a real Bohr. Amirite?
Shotgun: I like the descriptive that says PLAGUED BY SELF-DOUBT. How intense does that sound.
Havana Nights: A PLAGUE! I think the self-doubt is a total turn-off. So is the fact that he doesn't take his job seriously, or that he shows off to compensate.
DJ Nath: Yeah, I'm not into a guy that's super-unsure of himself. You don't have to be annoyingly confident, but some confidence is key.
Havana Nights: I think fake confidence is the worst.
DJ Nath: Yes, feels super arrogant when someone is faking it.
Lip-Bomb: But Nath, he has a sky car. Have you seen his sky car? Cuz he was one.
Shotgun: I WANNA SEE HIS SKY CAR! #TireSlut
DJ Nath: I mean sure, I would like a drive in his sky car.
Lip-Bomb: That sounds like a euphemism. "You wanna see my sky car?"
DJ Nath: Who wouldn't? I guess a plane would do the job.
Science Girl: Yeah, but what does it look like? Is it a sky Honda or a sky Lamborghini?
Havana Nights: He could take the sky bus, I wouldn't care. I don't judge a guy by his wheels or lack thereof.
DJ Nath: Or a sky bike, for all *I* care.
Shotgun: Like in E.T.?
DJ Nath: Yes.
Science Girl: The sky subway. Full of sky creeps.
DJ Nath: I'm not sure how many brands of sky cars exist. Pretty niche market.
Siskoid: I don't have pictures of the sky car.
Science Girl: Boo Siskoid!
Art-Girl: Whatttt!?
Art-Girl: Unacceptable.
Science Girl: I'm not dating a dude with a ratchet sky car. A real lemon that's always giving out, a bad car is dangerous on the road, so imagine in the sky.
DJ Nath: Flying lemons. That's an image.
Art-Girl: Right in the eye; must hurt.
Shotgun: Ugh... imagine that.
Lip-Bomb: Screw that, I'll just walk.
Havana Nights: Moon walk?
Science Girl: Space walk.
Siskoid: Maybe he wouldn't be interested in giving you a ride anyway...

On his relationship with Invisible Kid

Though it was never expressly shown in the comics, it was strongly hinted that he had a relationship with another male Legionnaire. Yes friends, Condo was the one who had a relationship with Invisible Kid!
Havana Nights: Ooohhhhhh!
Shotgun: OH NOES!
Art-Girl: WAS HE THE ONE?!
DJ Nath: Haha well damn.
Art-Girl: THIS IS IT!!!!!!
Art-Girl: Awwww my heart is meltinggggggggg!
DJ Nath: Well, good for love.
Siskoid: Invisible Kid was a bit of a mentor to him when he joined, and one thing led to another apparently.
Art-Girl: Believe in the power of love ♪.
Science Girl: D'aw.
Havana Nights: Are gay guys into cars? Is that a thing?
Shotgun: I don't know. It's just the one thing that piqued our interest, there must be more to him.
DJ Nath: The old teacher-student thing?
Art-Girl: Love just happened. Sexy.
Siskoid: It was just never revealed on panel, but the DC Encyclopedia states it as fact.
Shotgun: So it's totally canon.
Art-Girl: Awesome!!! I want to go to their wedding!
Science Girl: Same.
Siskoid: Yes. And like Invisible Kid, Chemical King is dead. He sacrificed his life by absorbing massive amounts of radiation meant to kill Superboy, and prevented World War VII.
DJ Nath: My God, man.
Lip-Bomb: I hope they had a bunch of sky sex.
Art-Girl: Sky sex, I would do that. Oh, and the horror.
Science Girl: NOT THE TIME! This is a sad moment, Lip-Bomb!
Havana Nights: So they're both dead. That's sad.
DJ Nath: They're in that big sky car in the sky.
Shotgun: Aw no.
Art-Girl: Looking at the sunrise.
Shotgun: It's so darn tragic.
Lip-Bomb: Everyone dies, damn it!
Havana Nights: Well, at least he took his job seriously this time around... Prevented a world war and stuff.
DJ Nath: I guess ultimately he really cared.
Lip-Bomb: Maybe since he was plagued with self-doubt, he pretended not to care so as to have an excuse if he failed.
Art-Girl: #truth. The panel with the dead open eyes is really very disturbing.
Science Girl: #moretruth
Shotgun: The melting skin... that's a little much, no?
DJ Nath: Who died first?
Art-Girl: I hope they both died at the same time and never had to suffer without the other.
Siskoid: Invisible Kid died first.
Art-Girl: Awww God!
Science Girl: Awwww cry emoticon!
Art-Girl: That was the wrong answer!
DJ Nath: Super tragic. Being a Legionnaire sucks. You just end up dying.
Lip-Bomb: Now I'm sad.
Shotgun: Losing your loved one, then trying to live on, but having to save the planet. That's a lot of pressure.
DJ Nath: Yeah, a lot to handle.
Art-Girl: That poor boy! Having to deal with it with all that pressure much be so hard.
Siskoid: Also, that's the second Legionnaire to die by taking Superboy's place (Ferro Lad was the other).
DJ Nath: Yeah eh? Everybody saves Superboy.
Science Girl: Dammit Superboy.
Art-Girl: Stupid Superboy
Lip-Bomb: It's a curse!
Art-Girl: Take care of yourself for once.
Science Girl: Stop killing the people I love.
Art-Girl: Stop killing people I like.
Science Girl: Mindlinkkkeedd!
Shotgun: But I love Superboy.
Siskoid: Well, if Superboy dies there's no Superman.
Art-Girl: Ahhhhhhhhh.
Science Girl: Meh.
Art-Girl: I love the others more! Except if it's Tom Welling.
Shotgun: Meh... Superboy > Chemical King.
Science Girl: Disagreed.
Lip-Bomb: But how many heroes is Superboy worth? Jeez!
Art-Girl: Superboy < loving gay relationship in a comic book, with the adorable Invisible Kid.
Shotgun: I agree that he's not worth the loss of so many Legionnaires.
Science Girl: Can't we just sacrifice Sun Boy?
Shotgun: That's fine.
DJ Nath: Yeah Sun Boy sucks.
Shotgun: God, poor Sun Boy.
Shotgun: JK F--- SUN BOY!
Science Girl: No remorse for Sun Boy.
Shotgun: NEVER!

*Sun Boy rage subsides*

Lip-Bomb: Imagine if Chemical King were angry at you and he just started messing with you metabolism...
Art-Girl: Or you hormones. Why am I crying and craving ice cream?
Havana Nights: Pheromones gone crazy.
DJ Nath: That would suck, man, don't mess with metabolism unless you're making it better.
Shotgun: It's kind of a scary power when you think about it.
Havana Nights: If he were my gay friend he could speed up my metabolism!
Lip-Bomb: Maybe thousands of people flock to him to get their metabolism fixed.
Science Girl: He could just slowly make his enemies all really fat.
Lip-Bomb: And then easily run away.
Havana Nights: There's herbal magic, then there's Chemical King.
Art-Girl: I could eat nachos every day and have a super fast metabolism... WANT!
Art-Girl: I know!
Siskoid: I think (and this is probably why he died and wasn't resurrected) writers didn't really understand his powers.
DJ Nath: Yeah, must be hard to write that power into stories.
Havana Nights: Can I just say Chemical King sounds like some kind of exterminator company?
Art-Girl: Chemical King, a weird kids show that's educational, but kinda sketchy!
Science Girl: Or possibly a terrible History Channel program.
Lip-Bomb: Science Girl, you understand science. Have you considered rebooting Chemical King?
Science Girl: Yes, yes I have. Art Girl can draw the comic.
Art-Girl: Yes I can! I've done a few comics before.
Lip-Bomb: I'd read that.
Science Girl: I do the science.
Shotgun: And I shoot anyone who refuses to buy it.
Havana Nights: I'll market it to our target audience!
Science Girl: Nath knows literature and stuff, I'm sure she could write it.
Shotgun: Best business plan ever.
Siskoid: If it happens, the blog will certainly publish it.
DJ Nath: Sure, all our powers combined and stuff.
Science Girl: REBOOT. YESSS!
Art-Girl: REBOOTTTT!!!
Science Girl: Lets make it happen.
Siskoid: So Invisible Kid/Chemical King slash fic basically?
Lip-Bomb: But really nice expensive slash fic.
Science Girl: In the reboot, his hair is like really good.
Art-Girl: Kickstart this stuff, ladies!
Shotgun: Yeah! Art-Girl, make him hot.
Art-Girl: He's going to have fabulous hair, trust me.
Shotgun: And we could discuss the sky car part. I know stuff about cars.
Science Girl: SKY CAR!!! excellent!
Art-Girl: I'm working on a sketch right now!

*Siskoid walks out, looking for sky car reference art (that's his excuse anyway)*

Art-Girl: Inspiration - Tom Hiddleston meets James McAvoy!
Shotgun: JESUS! MELTS. This is such a wonderful plan.
Science Girl: His sky car should have a rainbow on it.
Havana Nights: Totes!
Art-Girl: What kind of car?
Shotgun: Mmmmm can't be too expensive, but still cool-looking. Do we want a convertible?
Art-Girl: I am kind of thinking of, like, a 1955 Chevy.
Havana Nights: Yes.
Lip-Bomb: I was thinking of a convertible.
Science Girl: Yesss!
Art-Girl: Ok!
Science Girl: Obviously.
DJ Nath: I feel like the wind would be really strong.
Lip-Bomb: Agreeeed.
Science Girl: Something super fabulous.
Havana Nights: So his hair can flow.
Lip-Bomb: THE WIND IN HIS HAIR. So glorious.
Art-Girl: Okokok, convertible, I can make that happen.
Science Girl: Flowing hair is important.
Shotgun: So easy to add wings to something like that. But not enormous wings.
Art-Girl: So Chemical King and Invisible Kid in the sky convertible.
Shotgun: Something subtle.
Science Girl: Yesss!
Art-Girl: I like this car.
Lip-Bomb: Amazing.
DJ Nath: Good plan.
Art-Girl: Omgggg I've had the best idea of how to add rainbows!
Science Girl: But you should, like, put ribbons and stuff like they're newlyweds.
Lip-Bomb: And we can pretend none of them died and they flew off in their sky car to live happily ever after.
Art-Girl: The wedding that never happened.
Science Girl: Sky wedding!!!
DJ Nath: They should be wearing nice suits that still represent their costumes if they're getting married.
Art-Girl: Ahhhhhhhhh this is so cute.
Science Girl: Okay I've been watching too much Say Yes to the Stress--I mean Dress!
Lip-Bomb: Haha stress.
Art-Girl: Say yes to the stress... nope never.
Lip-Bomb: Can you handle all this paperwork? It that a yes? YES!
Science Girl: Are you saying yes to the sketch?
Shotgun: I'm saying HELL YEAH to the sketch.
Science Girl: Once this series is over, we should just write Legionnaire fanfic.

*Siskoid returns unaware of what has transpired*

Siskoid: Found the car.
Shotgun: Ooouuuuhhhh.
Shotgun: GO!
Science Girl: Ooh. That's a nice car.
Science Girl: You don't like the orange?
Shotgun: Oof, and he drives like a maniac to impress people. That's a catastrophe waiting to happen.
DJ Nath: Risking crashing into a building or a mountain is a bad idea.
Lip-Bomb: Don't worry. He won't crash. The sky car is his pride and joy.
Art-Girl: But still a good reference. No wheels at all. Taking notes!
Science Girl: Why would a sky car have wheels?
Shotgun: To go unnoticed.
Art-Girl: In case there are roads somewhere.
Lip-Bomb: To land maybe?
Art-Girl: I don't know. I didn't think it through fully.
Science Girl: Sky roads.
Lip-Bomb: Or do you just hover off the ground?
Havana Nights: Off the sky ground.
Art-Girl: Sky everything. What is this, Back to the Future?!
Lip-Bomb: Do you want any sky ice cream? I was going out!
Havana Nights: Skyce-cream
Art-Girl: Brilliant.
Science Girl: We're starting a business. A fanfic/skyce-cream business.
Lip-Bomb: We are going to make all the sky dollars.
Art-Girl: Are there dramatic readings every Thursday night at the shop?
Science Girl: Yes, absolutely.
Art-Girl: Perfect, and I'll hang my comic book art on the wall, and the customers will be able to buy them.
The completed sketch
The Verdict
Shotgun: Meh... Not only wouldn't he be interested in me, clearly, but his lack of confidence coupled with his superficiality turn me off. Let's just say his description isn't exactly flattering.
Art-Girl: Not interested. I don't have many things in common with him and I didn't get to know him enough. His lack of confidence is something I would not like in a relationship. Also, big problem #1 - I have a vagina, which is not what he is looking for. And damn it, I want him to be with the person he loves and I will support their love!
Science Girl: HOT. I love science.
Art-Girl: Hahahaha. Done for the day, Science Girl?
Science Girl: I'm going back to my Say Yes to the Dress marathon.
DJ Nath: I'm feeling pretty Not, honestly. I need someone that has confidence and that I don't have to reassure all the time. Also, caring about what you do is really hot. So I'm left a little cold with him.
Havana Nights: Agreed... Maybe he's a stand-up guy despite his faults, but it's irrelevant since he would never be interested in me. I think physically he's ok, but that's about it.
Lip-Bomb: Putting aside the obvious not interested in women thing, I think he looks fun, but a weird mixture of self-doubt and spoiledness is kind of unappealing. I just don't think we'd have a lot of chemistry.
Siskoid: Boom.
Science Girl: I mean, he could be bi. He's never made his sexual orientation explicitly clear. We don't know.
Art-Girl: Stop ruining their love.
Shotgun: Good point.
Science Girl: Hey, I'm not trying to homewreck here. I'm already with my bae Mon-EI.
Shotgun: It's still plausible, hahaha.
Art-Girl: Their love is pure, leave them alone.
Lip-Bomb: True. If he was bi, we'd probably go on a few dates and I'd get annoyed at the non-caring about anything except his sky car.
Art-Girl: At least you'd get one fun drive out of the sky car!

Animal Magnetism?


  1. Interesting that they wonder if Chemical King is bi, but no mention of that with Invisible Kid. Or did you (Sisko) forget to mention that in the issue Lyle died he was talking to Phantom Girl about looking for a girlfriend?

  2. Since they started with no Legion knowledge WHATSOEVER (ok, they knew who Superboy and Supergirl were), I've been careful not to overwhelm them with trivia. Sometimes something comes up, sometimes it doesn't. Like, I didn't think the skycar would monopolize the conversation! (Who could have foreseen that?)

    Obviously Invisible Kid could have been bi (and obviously, he wasn't created as gay at the time); 90s Legion stories generally stated that sexuality in the 30th century was more fluid than it is now, it seems a non-issue for many of the characters. It just wasn't part of the conversation, but I think after Element Lad, bisexuality became a possibility.

  3. Chemical King joined the Legion after going under cover with Superboy, Chameleon Boy & fellow Academy member Timber Wolf to infiltrate the new Legion of Super- Villains .

    He along with Wolf were made members but from that point was rarely used and another undeveloped concept as he had a more complicated power that required a little bit more though than explaining super strength, making something heavy or eating a rock.