Monday, May 24, 2021

Dark Nights: Death Metal: The Super-Pets!


Title: The Super Pets in The Super-Threats!

Writers: Amanda Conner and Jimmy Palmiotti

Penciller/Inker: Chad Hardin

Colorist: Enrica Eren Angiolini

Letterer: Carlos M. Mangual

Editor: Katie Kubert

Associate Editor: Liz Erickson

Cover Artist: Chris Burnham

Featuring: The Legion of Super-Pets (Krypto the Super-Dog, Streaky the Super-Cat, Comet the Super-Horse, Beppo the Super-Monkey, Ace the Bat-Hound, Nathan the Dachshund, Bat-Cow. No, Proty doesn't appear despite being on the cover)

I'm doing this apparently for the sake of no one else having to do it.

If anyone had any semblance of interest in DC's main books, they could not help but notice the main titles were recently dominated by Dark Nights Death Metal. Being the sequel to Scott Snyder and Greg Capullo's Dark Nights Metal, Death Metal is... basically more of the same but ratcheted up to like 5 million.

No, that's not a good thing.

After being built up in Snyder's Justice League run and the overall Year Of The Villain banner that infested the DCU for 2018 and 2019, Death Metal featured the combined threats of The Batman Who Laughs and Perpetua ravaging the 52 Multiverse. While Perpetua is steadily destroying and subjecting the 52 Earths, BWL has led a cockroach-like swarm of Dark Multiverse Batmen in taking over the main DC Earth.

The Multiverse Who Laughs is an anthology (if you can call it that) narrated by the utterly obnoxious Robin King, about the Earths in the Last 52 Multiverse. Robin King is yet another evil Bruce Wayne, a sociopath from birth who killed his parents in Crime Alley and is a redux of the Batman Who Laughs as well as Damian Wayne at his absolute worst. I still don't understand the logic behind creating a Last 52 Multiverse, since they are worlds where evil triumphed, even though that's what the Dark Multiverse is.

The stories in this collection are barely worth commenting on, and none of them do a very good job at highlighting how "exciting" and "evil" this evil Multiverse is supposed to be. Body horror in Arkham Asylum, fascism with the Green Lantern Corps, some thing about Steel and Azrael, and this story about the Legion of Super-Pets. There's not even an epilogue by the Robin King to cap it off, the stories all... end.  


Krypto the Super-Dog has been away from Earth for about a week, or was it 49 days? Anyway, he's wondering why Earth suddenly has a ring around it but is shocked when he discovers the ring is made of human bodies!


Buildings are smoky ruins and Krypto has no idea what happened while he was gone until he reaches the Hall of Justice. He finds no human heroes, but luckily the rest of the Super-Pets are there. Streaky, Comet, Beppo, Ace the Bat-Hound, Bat-Cow, and Nathan the Dachshund from Harley Quinn.


Streaky's pissed off wondering why the Hell Krypto wasn't here when they needed him. Because maybe if Krypto had been here, the Super-Pets could have kept everything under control. Oh, is that a Green Lantern's ring finger Streaky just coughed up?

Ace mentions something about a virus that spread over Earth in just 24 hours. It made everyone act insane. Beppo takes over the explanation and goes back to where it all began.


It was an ordinary day for the Legion of Super-Pets as they discussed their daily heroic deeds when Red Medvo, the dastardly communist bear of the Legion of Doom, broke into HQ in a frenzy. Nathan noticed right off that this wasn't a normal kind of attack; something was wrong with Red Medvo's eyes. The rampaging bear attacked Comet and Bat-Cow, causing Streaky, Ace, and Nathan to ambush the villain. Beppo managed to subdue Medvo with a tranquilizer gun, but they still needed to figure out what was wrong with him.


Beppo's analysis revealed that Medvo was infected with some sort of virus, and deliberately set loose to spread the infection. Unfortunately, Beppo's the ONLY Super-Pet who wasn't scratched and the rest of the team went nuts. Beppo confined himself in the lab to work on a cure, but while he did the Super-Pets ran amuck and basically spread the virus to the rest of the planet. Chances are the Legion of Doom did this so they could take Earth for themselves after the virus ravaged everything.

It took like 26 hours but Beppo managed to break down a sample of the virus to create an antiviral serum. From there he had to reach the individual Super-Pets members and administer the serum.


While Krypto is glad that Beppo cured the team, he asks if anyone else has received the antivirus serum. Well, that's the thing. There's NO ONE ELSE left on Earth. Beppo could only make enough for the Super-Pets so everyone else is dead. Including Krypto's wife and six puppies.

And, um, here's the thing. See Beppo didn't really have time to properly test the antivirus serum to make sure it worked...


Or if it was permanent.

.......

I got nothing else to add. Anyone wanna chime in, be my guest. Do effin' whatever.

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