Saturday, April 18, 2015

Chameleon Boy: Hot or Not?

And now for something a little different. Can a group of candid women with no real Legion knowledge love an alien? Their first impressions of Cham are replete with ambivalence as befits a shape-changer, and watch for the surprise ending...
Our honorary Legion members are...
Art Girl - She makes art for a living.
DJ Nath - She makes education for a living. She just got a dog. Hopefully, it isn't a Durlan in disguise.
Lip-Bomb - Nath's sister and second half of the You-Tube channel Mind Linked. She makes improv happen for a living.
Havana Nights - She makes communications for a living. But no communication with ex-husband please. The divorcee perspective.
Shotgun - She makes recycling for a living, and the only member of the group with hockey series fever. Someone get her to Medicus One, quick.
Moderator: Siskoid, secretly Cham's biggest fan, but he's not telling them this.

Adopted name Reep Daggle (real name unpronounceable). Chameleon Boy can turn into any creature, from Earth or other planets. He's an easy-going sort socially, but very serious and dedicated in his work. He's an activist against xenophobia and believes in being the best he can be as an example of what "aliens" can bring to society.

First impressions on Chameleon Boy
Art Girl: He's a human ant.
Havana Nights: I'm not a fan of the skin colour.
Art Girl: An orange ant.
Havana Nights: I'd prefer blue or green.
Lip-Bomb: I actually don't mind the antennae.
DJ Nath: He has this weird smirk?
Havana Nights: Yeah the smirk bothers me too.
Art Girl: Cockiness
Shotgun: I could never trust him... How could I even know if he's hot or not? There's nothing to indicate this is even what he really looks like.
Art Girl: Yeahhh... if he can turn into anything, why this?
Havana Nights: yeah, cuz he shouldn't have to be something else. (Or is that from X-Men?)
DJ Nath: I feel like he could totally just transform to keep a low profile after a one night stand.
Shotgun: Also, his torso is interminable.
Havana Nights: I can't judge someone for having a long torso and short arms! He's my brother from another mother! I sympathize, man.
Art Girl: His shoulders! They're enormous and his suit is like, shoulder pads x 10,000.
DJ Nath: The shoulder pads seem dangerous, could poke your eye out.
Art Girl: The shoulder pads are extra weapons at close range.
DJ Nath: Color scheme of the outfit is nice, but kind of weird with that skin color.
DJ Nath: I feel like his outfit is too casual, like the outfit you wear on the weekend, not very special.
Lip-Bomb: Casual ski lodge Chameleon Boy.
Art Girl: Too true. It's just plain, no shine, pattern or interest.
Shotgun: His head if way too small for his body anyway. I fear for his intellectual capacity.
Lip-Bomb: He's a bit too buff for my taste. He has like a million abs.
Havana Nights: ALL OF THE ABS!!!
Art Girl: You can grate cheese on those abs!
Shotgun: Go abs go?!? [Ed.: That's hockey fever talking. Told you it was a problem.] Man, his eyebrows would make any clown jealous.
Havana Nights: I'm not repulsed, but I'm not turned on. There's just no chemistry. He really COULD be my big brother.
Lip-Bomb: Hold up, is he in the process of becoming a frog in the background?
Art Girl: Whuttttttt???
Lip-Bomb: That is terrifying. But I want to take a bunch of selfies with this guy.
Shotgun: The fun part about that is that no one knows it's the same guy in each selfie.
Lip-Bomb: Hahah omg Shotgun, you could make everyone think you have tons of friends, but really, you only have the one.
Art Girl: I want to go to the fair with him, because he would win all the stuffed animals for me.
Havana Nights: Awh man... Chameleon Boy just got friendzoned, guys.
Art Girl: At the start, I didn't really like him, but he's growing on me. Like, I think he'd make a good dad!
DJ Nath: Yes, he seems to have strong values, according to his description.
Lip-Bomb: This guy studies instead of going to the party.
DJ Nath: Yes.
Lip-Bomb: And wakes up early in the morning.
Havana Nights: He's responsible.
DJ Nath: Looks like he'd be on the debate team.
Havana Nights: But does any of that give him more hotness points?

On loving the alien
DJ Nath: Well, personally, he'd need to be sort of human. Like in this case, he's fairly human, so it's okay.
Art Girl: I don't care about that. He's humanoid enough. It's when it's just, like, a blob of energy that it gets complicated.
Lip-Bomb: There is something slightly Vulcan about him, so I'm not thrown off by the alienness.
Art Girl: It's all about personality, really.
Havana Nights: I think the alien thing can be hot... But I still only see him as a best friend or big bro.
DJ Nath: His body is mostly human, but if he were, let's say, a dog alien, I'd be hard-pressed to think he's hot.

On the inherent hotness of shapeshifting
Havana Nights: Imagine the possibilities! Yup, my mind went there.
DJ Nath: I feel like it's a really cool power that would be totally useful in real life.
Art Girl: To my mind, he's the kind of person who would only use it when necessary. Like, he so good and honest that he wouldn't use it selfishly.
Lip-Bomb: Well, if you are into sexy role play.
Art Girl: Ohhh yessss, role-playing! This is amazing!
Shotgun: Well, yes and no. He has the potential to be our ideal, but it would be crummy for him to have to change to please us.
Havana Nights: Awww.
DJ Nath: True.
Shotgun: So I would never ask him to.
DJ Nath: I'd just want him to change so we could prank people or something. Suddenly, LAMP. Etc.
Lip-Bomb: He looks pretty reserved, but maybe when he lets loose, he's all like, Look! I'm a whale!!!
Art Girl: Awww mannnn, he could be a pony. I need him as a friend.
DJ Nath: And I mean, he could fly around and take you places. That's cool.
Art Girl: The shenanigans we could get up to!!!
Havana Nights: Friendzoned. Again.
Lip-Bomb: Aww poor *insert unpronounceable name*

The verdict
Art Girl: ...Can I be his friend?
Havana Nights: I'd totally set him up with my best friend.
DJ Nath: I feel like I could date him and see. Not convinced, but if he asked me, I wouldn't say no.
Shotgun: I agree. With that power, hotness isn't important. I base my opinion only on personality. So I would try a couple of dates, yes.
Havana Nights: I think he's hot. I'm just not attracted to him personally.
Art Girl: He's not for me. I'd want him as a buddy and I'd set him up with a friend. But if sparks start flying, I couldn't say no.
Lip-Bomb: I feel like someone would set me up on a blind date with him.
Havana Nights: Lip-Bomb, want to meet this awesome guy?
Lip-Bomb: Haha
DJ Nath: Seems like a stand-up dude who would hold doors open or something.
Art Girl: And bring you flowers. And tell you you're pretty.
Havana Nights: You mean BECOMES THE FLOWERS.
Lip-Bomb: Well, now I'm almost convinced to say hot.
Art Girl: Me too!

Post-scriptum: This is what happened when Siskoid showed them what Durlans "really" look like:
Havana Nights: Aaaaahhhhhh!!!!
Art Girl: What? Like, what what what?
Lip-Bomb: I was wondering about the robe situation in the first picture.
Shotgun: .........
Lip-Bomb: Very… tentacly.
Art Girl: I am troubled.
Havana Nights: So many tentacles.
DJ Nath: More tentacles than expected.
Lip-Bomb: So does he have a face? Like in the human sense?
Siskoid: No, just more tentacles.
Art Girl: NOOOOOOOO! I did not come here for tentacles!!!
Lip-Bomb: So he's a blob of tentacles in a robe.
Havana Nights: I think he should stick to being flowers.
DJ Nath: Not gonna lie, that makes me uncomfortable.
Art Girl: I did not come here for weird anime!
DJ Nath: Not dating an octopus.
Shotgun: Date - Maybe. Relationship - Nooooope. I don't want any squid kids. I like Montreal, not Detroit. [Ed. - Again with the hockey references; where's Dr. Gym'll?]
Lip-Bomb: Aww Shotgun, he has hands though. You could hold hands. And you could always hope the kids get your eyes. Or a your face.

Well, that's one way to end a Legion chat. Next time, the girls take on their first actual Earthman!


  1. Cham is cool, but I'm with Shotgun. Le Canadien are on a roll; As long as Price can hold out, they've got a shot!

  2. I really like this series of posts, keep it up!

    1. Just realised that's a terrible comment.... sorry.. high quality comments are not my forte...

  3. I really like this series of posts, keep it up!