Saturday, August 29, 2015

Mon-El: Hot or Not?

A group of candid women with no real Legion knowledge tell us if each Legionnaire is hot or not. And we've brought in new blood!
Our honorary Legion members are...
Art Girl - Knows what colors go with which.
DJ Nath - Knows what she likes and what she likes is nice boys.
Lip-Bomb - Is about to walk into a room where her puntastic skills are going to be challenged. Co-star of Mind Linked, on You-Tube, with her sister DJ Nath.
Science Girl - A new addition to the cast, her power is to nullify YOUR power on the basis that it doesn't make any kind of scientific sense. And don't worry, Havana Nights hasn't left us, she was just real busy this week and couldn't make it. Nobody's a replacement for anybody.
Shotgun - And here she thought her maths degree made HER the science girl.
Moderator: Siskoid - Recruiter extraordinaire.

First impressions of Mon-El
Mon-El (AKA Lar Gand of Daxam) is a Daxamite, people who have all of Superman's powers, but lead is their kryptonite. Back in the 20th century, crashlanding near Smallville gave him amnesia, and when Superboy discovered him, he jumped to the conclusion that he was his long-lost brother from Krypton. Thus the "El" name, "Mon" because it was a Monday. By the time "Mon-El" got his memory back, he had been suffering from lethal lead poisoning, so Superboy sent him to the Phantom Zone to save his life. There he remained for 1000 years until the Legion brought him out and gave him a serum for his lead poisoning. He would go on to become one of the Legion's greatest heroes. Mon-El was one of the smartest Legionnaires, not only because he had the equivalent of 1,000 years of life experience, but also because he had been an experienced explorer, scientist (biotech and engineering, mostly), and pilot. And because he had been trapped in the Phantom Zone for so long, he was also one of the most openly friendly and sympathetic Legionnaires. He always seems calm and collected, though you shouldn't take that to mean he doesn't get anxious and moody if his loved ones are put in danger.
Shotgun: Ooh, good timing for Science Girl!
Art Girl: PERFECT timing!
Art Girl: Pecs, you should say! I wonder if he can make them move to the beat?
DJ Nath: I mean 1000 years is a long time. Geez, who does he think he is? Rory?
Shotgun: Awwww, the boy who waited.
Science Girl: Good hair and an engineer! He's a keeper!
Art Girl: Not too serious though? Engineers from my experience are a-holes.
Science Girl: I'm insulted.
Shotgun: I don't hate the suit's simplicity, for once.
Lip-Bomb: He does have a vaguely Superman-ish look about him. It might be the hair.
Shotgun: It's classy.
DJ Nath: I really like the suit, feels a little Robin Hood era. And yes, he totally looks like Superman.
Shotgun: And oooh, a pilot.
Art Girl: Pilots are gone from home a lot.
Shotgun: Takes me for rides everywhere.
Art Girl: He wont be there.
Shotgun: Fine by me. I like having some space. (So not true.)
Science Girl: He's the marrying kind. I'd be his housewife.
Siskoid: Geez, we married Science Girl off on the first try.
Art Girl: Science Girl, you get my blessing. Go and get married!
Science Girl: Does the series end when we all find a husband?
Art Girl: Husband Search 3015.
Lip-Bomb: He's not too muscly! Yay!
Shotgun: He cares about people, so that's a ++++ for me.
DJ Nath: I like the big cape buttons. They seem too big for no reason, but I like it.
Art Girl: He has a weird belt thing. Like, extra material under it, what is that?
DJ Nath: A mini skirt!
Art Girl: Why. Why a skirt?
Shotgun: I don't mind that extra material. It's like coat tails or something.
Art Girl: It just makes me flip out. I don't know why. *eye twitch*
Science Girl: Hey, leave my man alone Art Girl!
Lip-Bomb: He must have a good sense of himself, being alone forever like that.
DJ Nath: True, he must really know himself, so that's sexy.
Art Girl: Sexy indeed.
Shotgun: Like, I recognize myself in his anxiety and moodiness. Don't screw around with my friends!
Art Girl: He knows himself, and he knows how he wants to live his life, no dicking around while he grows up and figures out his crap.
DJ Nath: And I do like a guy who cares for his loved ones as long as it's not suffocating, because that sucks.
Lip-Bomb: I like the exploringness. He must be curious and open to stuff.
Shotgun: "The most openly friendly and sympathetic..." Man he keeps on gaining more points. Most definitely someone to go camping with.
DJ Nath: Let's go on a canoe and find an island.
Shotgun: Hydroplane to a random island.
Art Girl: To Fiji!
DJ Nath: I love exploring, so that's fun. Into a guy with a sense of adventure.
Shotgun: I just wish he would smile on his picture, like he does in the banner.
Art Girl: I really like THAT picture.
Science Girl: That hair.
Art Girl: He's thinking.
Shotgun: Mmmmmmmmmm.
Art Girl: He's thinking about serious things.
Shotgun: MMMMMMMMMM yyyeeesssssss.
Art Girl: And also, check out his sternocleidomastoid!!! Intense!
Science Girl: Wat.
Art Girl: The neck muscle. The only muscle I can remember the name of because of my drawing courses. Because the name is too funny.
Science Girl: Ah. In the banner.
Shotgun: Mmmm Mmmmm.
Art Girl: It sounds like a supervillain name. Ahhh, soooo, Sternocleidomastoid has kidnapped the princess! Oh noooooooo!
Lip-Bomb: I hope that, just once, while Mon-El was in the Phantom Zone, he made the cheesy ghost sound to himself and giggled. OoooooOOOOooooOOOOh
Shotgun: Lol.
DJ Nath: His suit isn't really skin-tight, so that's interesting.
Shotgun: Yeah, I like the flow on the arms. Gives the impression that he's less muscled than he probably is.
Art Girl: And kind of a turtleneck, though not really.
DJ Nath: Mmhmm, doesn't need to show off everything.
Art Girl: I like it.
Lip-Bomb: He's basically wearing a sweater.
DJ Nath: Yeah, but a hot sweater.
Art Girl: Leave it to the imagination.
Lip-Bomb: Another for the casual hero pile.
Shotgun: He's buff, but still meets my standard.
Lip-Bomb: The eye at the bottom is creeping me out though.
Shotgun: Nice hair, flowy and dark. Mmmm...
DJ Nath: Boots are a little boring. People need cooler boots. Where are the cooler boots, Siskoid?
Siskoid: What do you think of the lead allergy?
Science Girl: I'm trying to make a pun with "lead" in it and I can't.
Lip-Bomb: I can LEAD the way if you want.
Science Girl: Yeessshhh 2/10.
DJ Nath: I feel like that would be avoidable in day to day.
Art Girl: Doesn't bother me that much.
Lip-Bomb: No, the allergy could be really annoying.
Science Girl: I mean, I'm not around lead that much in my day-to-day life.
Art Girl: I've got lead and I'm not dead yet. We could figure something out.
Siskoid: Pencils, fishing gear, the water supply near factories...
Science Girl: Avoidable.
DJ Nath: I mean, just use pens.
Art Girl: Or carrier pigeons.
Science Girl: And there isn't any lead in pencils. [Readers WERE warned about Science Girl's powers.]
DJ Nath: Pens are better anyways #TeamPens
Lip-Bomb: Fishing gear? Damn it, there goes  our fishing trip.
Lip-Bomb: So much fo adventure.
Shotgun: Science Girl will find the cure and invent him an epipen. #TeamEpipen

On his other looks
Mon-El's costumes have always looked a lot like this. It was most different in the timeline where his history was rewritten. In this timeline, he became famous in the 20th century as Valor, the hero who would seed the galaxy with super-powered experimental subjects freed from evil aliens, before he joined the Legion in the 30th century. A lot of these worlds would eventually join the United Federation of Planets and send one of their own to join the Legion.
Art Girl: Why. Why the shoulder things???
Art Girl: And fingerless gloves for the win.
Science Girl: He looks so old.
Art Girl: He looks like a dad.
DJ Nath: Damn fingerless gloves. They must have been really cool at some point.
Shotgun: I like fingerless gloves.
Art Girl: Me too! *highfive*
DJ Nath: Yes, we have different opinions on this.
Shotgun: The shoulder pads are way too much. STOP IT.
Science Girl: GETTING A DIVORCE!!!
Shotgun: And the pouches. Pouches everywhere.
DJ Nath: He seems really boxy.
Shotgun: Boots are better defined.
Lip-Bomb: His arms... HIS ARMS!
Art Girl: The arms are intense. They're like the size of my waist, frig!
DJ Nath: He looks less cool. Not as well done.
Lip-Bomb: I can't look at anything except the yellow buttons.
Science Girl: The buttons got way bigger.
Art Girl: They are too big.
Siskoid: The 90s strike again.
Science Girl: Well you know what they say about big buttons...
Shotgun: No... No I don't.
Art Girl: They're big.
DJ Nath: I like big buttons and I cannot lie?
Lip-Bomb: The first one looked effortlessly cool. This looks like he's trying way too hard and failing.
DJ Nath: Everything seems too big. And his hair is boring.
Shotgun: Check le armpit situation on that suit.
Art Girl: Even his package is kind of disturbing.
Siskoid: What do you think of the code name "Valor" (or "Mon-El" for that matter)?
Lip-Bomb: I'm not sure I'm diggin' the name.
DJ Nath: Valor seems too on the nose. Too literal.
Art Girl: Valor sounds too much like velour. It's weird.
Shotgun: Then again, it's refreshing.
Lip-Bomb: Valor feels generic. Mon-El sounds vaguely Superman-ish.
Science Girl: Wait! I hope he has a lot of Money-I, amirite amirite?
Art Girl: I like the sound of them, but boring.
Shotgun: There's no Lad or Boy in the name.
Art Girl: Valor Lad!
DJ Nath: Yeah, that's actually nice; the Lads and Boys are a little overdone.
Shotgun: I like the origin of the name Mon-El, but Valor... meh. Plus, I'd always have the impression that I'm pronouncing it wrong (French Canadian problem).
Lip-Bomb: I'm still just staring at those damn yellow buttons.
Art Girl: Me too, I can't look away. They're trying to hypnotize us.
Lip-Bomb: I feel like he looks less nice and caring here. Looks more arrogant.
Art Girl: He looks serious and kinda stressed.
DJ Nath: Yeah, it's his face, not a kind face.
Art Girl: Maybe if we would smile.
Siskoid: For a brief time, Mon-El became the 30th century's only Green Lantern, and he wore this variation on his costume.
Shotgun: The hair. It's back.
DJ Nath: Glad they kept the buttons. Makes me think of Tron?
Shotgun: And they have fingers on the gloves.
Lip-Bomb: He's a neon sign. A handsome fabulous neon sign. I accept.
Shotgun: Fan of the white boots. Fan of the art. Fan of everything.
Science Girl: RE-MARRIED!
DJ Nath: Could go biking at night and not get hit by a car, so that's a bonus. Also mad fab hair.
Art Girl: I like the glow on the costume's seams. I like it a lot.
Science Girl: He Green Lan-turned his life around.
Lip-Bomb: The cape is pretty sweet.
DJ Nath: Still kind of puffy sleeves. Stuck to the essence of the costume.
Shotgun: And the color scheme is great. Like, dark/rebel.
Lip-Bomb: This dude really went through some identity crises. He seems to have regained his sweetness and cool qualities, but more badass?
Shotgun: I'm all for this look.
Lip-Bomb: I just realized that he's still wearing a sweater! Hurray!

On his relationship with Shadow Lass
Art Girl: You're his mistress, Science Girl!
Shotgun: And we never heard from Science Girl again.
Science Girl: I can't believe he lead me on (there's my lead pun).
Siskoid: Well... you still got a shot as you'll see.
Art Girl: She's back in the game!
Shotgun: Wot woot!
Science Girl: BOOM BITCHES!
Siskoid: Shadow Lass (AKA Tasmia Mallor of Talok VIII) is Mon-El's long-time girlfriend. She comes from a low-tech desert world of warriors where the members of her family are the hereditary champions and can project deep darkness. "Shady" is a hot-blooded warrior (and adept in martial arts) who doesn't suffer fools gladly and has a sharp tongue. She has no patience for ignorance. She's confident and bold, has a regal bearing, and never gives up or shows fear. The two of them broke up recently under unclear circumstances.
Science Girl: I thought he was single, but a-lass, he has a girlfriend. (I'm on fire, bitches!)
Art Girl: Best one yet. +7
Shotgun: Nope. I don't want to bring her camping.
Science Girl: OK THEY BROKE UP!!!
DJ Nath: She looks like a genie.
Shotgun: All the others had badass girlfriends, but this one scares me.
Art Girl: I don't really want to know her.
Shotgun: Medusa's hair.
Science Girl: I'm starting to feel like I'm just the creepy fangirl and Mon-EI has no interest in me.
DJ Nath: Cheek bones for dayyyyyyyyzzzzzz.
Lip-Bomb: She's got a badass vampirish thing going on.
DJ Nath: Yeah, she's like Vampira.
Art Girl: She just too intense for me. She would make me very uncomfortable.
Shotgun: And maybe a little bit of a exhibitionist.
Science Girl: Brows on flllleeeeek.
Art Girl: Brows intensely on fleek.
Lip-Bomb: She is far too cool to hang out with me. I'd just be impressed from afar.
Shotgun: Her face in the lower left hand corner makes me think of Michael Jackson. I'm so sorry.
Art Girl: I see it now. I can't unsee it.
Shotgun: I know, right. It's disturbing.
DJ Nath: Feels like she would dislike me, but she sounds cool from her description.
Lip-Bomb: She has some mad skillz.
Shotgun: I feel like she would be super condescending.
Art Girl: I like her collar, but I don't like the lack of material on her stomach.
DJ Nath: She's like one of those people that are constantly walking around with a fan blowing through their hair.
Lip-Bomb: So does she just, like, throw shade for real?
Siskoid: Yes. Another "weak" power given to a fierce girl. It's a Legion thing.
DJ Nath: That's bull.
Siskoid: Most were created at a sexist time, but then were built up in the 70s and 80s as mores evolved.
Shotgun: Well at least she's a warrior. And a sharp tong is always a good thing.
DJ Nath: Yeah, she could kick my ass.
Lip-Bomb: She has a weak power but she's an accomplished woman. She would kick my ass in a fight and a debate.
Art Girl: A woman should not be judged by her powers, but on how she uses them.
DJ Nath: I would not mess with her, that much I can say. But man, I am all for a confident female character. #feminism
Lip-Bomb: Can she be in our punk band?
Art Girl: What happened to the INDY band?!
Shotgun: Compared to other chicks we've seen, this one is drawn a lot more like a sexpot. I preferred normal lady shapes.
DJ Nath: She could also be an aunt in the Addams Family.
Lip-Bomb: 100%, Nath.
Shotgun: I wonder, she can project deep darkness... could the power apply to people's thoughts?
Science Girl: I feel like if I wasn't married to her ex, we could totally be friends.
Siskoid: So how does she affect your take on Mon-El?
Shotgun: Well, it proves that she's immensely smart. She can't handle ignorance.
DJ Nath: I like that he likes a confident woman, but isn't necessarily passive. They seem like a strong couple.
Lip-Bomb: He's a pretty learned, well-traveled man and she seems a good fit with him.
Science Girl: Boooo.
Art Girl: It makes me happy to see he can be in a serious relationship.
Science Girl: >:[
Shotgun: I would love to know why they broke up though.
Lip-Bomb: I'm pretty sure his mom doesn't like her.
Siskoid: She's been dead at least 1000 years, so.
DJ Nath: Well bummer Siskoid.
Lip-Bomb: Maybe she just went to the Phantom Zone.
Science Girl: *I* went to the Phantom Zone.
Siskoid: Is that what you call Montreal?
Shotgun: Hahaha. Snap!
Science Girl: Yes.
DJ Nath: It's funny because everyone there is sad.
Science Girl: It's funny 'cuz it's TRUE.
Art Girl: Especially in the subway.
Science Girl: *cries*

The Verdict
Shotgun: Definitely hot.
DJ Nath: I say hot, I like the buttons and the outfit, he's not too muscly but still attractive, mostly has great hair. Seems like a real stand-up guy that would treat you right and care for you. Seems really badass and I feel like I would learn a lot with him, but his girlfriend scares me.
Shotgun: Mon-El et Green Lantern Mon-El = SUPER HOT. Valor = meh.
DJ Nath: Seems like good boyfriend material. My mom would like him.
Shotgun: I like that he cares for others. I would love to know that he'd be worried for me. I know it's weird.
Lip-Bomb: I say hot! On top of being pretty damn handsome, I think we would have loads to talk about and he'd be up to going out and doing new things.
Art Girl: Hot. Most definitely, he seems like a grown adult that knows what he wants, which I like. He is well-traveled and he could bring me along for the ride. I'm always ready for a new adventure, and seems like a gentleman who would bring me flowers for no reason, just a normal Wednesday! I like his style! I feel like he could teach me stuff and I could teach him stuff and we would grow and learn together.
Shotgun: He's friendly and sympathetic, so he'd be easy to approach. We could rapidly become friends and develop a spark.
Lip-Bomb: He looks like a sweetheart. Also f*** Valor.
DJ Nath: Valor is definitely a letdown.
Science Girl: I have... mixed feelings.
Siskoid: What's with the mixed feelings? Is the spark already gone?
Science Girl: Well, we got married and divorced then married then I learned he had a girlfriend then I learned she died. It's been quite a day.
Siskoid: I think you made up that last part.
Lip-Bomb: She didn't make it up. Science Girl just hasn't killed her yet.
Shotgun: She didn't die, his mother did.
Art Girl: Sad.
Science Girl: AHHHH! Well then I learned they broke up.
Shotgun: Hahaha.
Art Girl: ...So go for it!
DJ Nath: Let's go eat pie with him.
Lip-Bomb: Aww we should have pie. I wonder if he can make pie. He probably can.
DJ Nath: He would learn or bring us to a great pie place. I just want pie, I guess.

I'm going to feed you something weird.


  1. Seriously, I cannot believe that no one mentioned to Science Girl that Shady is foretold to die saving the Science Asteroid!

  2. Mon-El ! Not Marvel Lad, Legionnaire Lemon, Valor or M'onel !

    When I was a boy I bought and still own a copy of Superboy #129
    which reprinted his origin and has been one of my favorite comic book characters and favorite legionnaire !

    Mightier than Superboy .... Enough said !