Saturday, October 24, 2015

Karate Kid: Hot or Not?

A group of candid women with no real Legion knowledge - but considerable kung fu film knowledge - tell us if each Legionnaire is hot or not.
Our honorary Legion members are...
Art Girl - Buys everything with Tekken dollars.
DJ Nath - Learned everything she knows from Disney's Mulan. Co-star of Mind Linked, on You-Tube, with her sister Lip-Bomb.
Havana Nights - A black belt in yoga.
Lip-Bomb - Has attempted the one-inch punch. Got half an inch before giving up.
Science Girl - Is there such a thing as rooster style? Because she insists there is.
Shotgun - All about Gun Fu, not Kung Fu.
Moderator: Siskoid - Hosted a weekly kung fu film night for five years.
First impressions of Karate Kid
Karate Kid (AKA Val Armor of Earth) has no actual powers, but is a master of every martial art ever created, including a style that allows him to hold his own against Kryptonians, and chop through almost any substance. He is meant to be half-Asian - the son of a Japanese crime lord and an American secret agent - but has only variably been drawn as such. Liberated and raised by a great Japanese hero, he trained in all fighting styles before going to the stars to find more. He is disciplined, calm and serene. He is the only Legionnaire aside from Superboy, Supergirl and Mon-El to ever have his own monthly series (it took place in the 20th century where he was stranded), and yes, he's the reason the Karate Kid movies have to give DC Comics a credit.
Art-Girl: Asian, check and love.
Havana Nights: Hahaha Karate Kid.
DJ Nath: Karate Kid. Huh. That's something.
Havana Nights: It's comical.
Science Girl: That collar.
Shotgun: THE COLLAR!
DJ Nath: The collar is hilarious.
Havana Nights: THE CHEEKBONES!
Shotgun: YYYEEEEEESSSSSS! So. Lots to talk about right there...
Art-Girl: I like this one! Woot woot!
Havana Nights: His muscles are almost too defined.
DJ Nath: He looks like he's going to bust out some awesome dance moves.
Havana Nights: Well, if he's a martial artist, he must be a good dancer... Takes coordination and discipline and stuff.
Art-Girl: And martial arts give you great flexible.
Shotgun: Okay, it makes me really happy to see a Legionnaire who can smile. About time. But I do fear for the chick's eye in that same pic.
Art-Girl: It's the awkward couples photo, Shotgun. Smile!
Havana Nights: I don't get the collar.
Art-Girl: It's dramatic!
Lip-Bomb: The collar is my favorite part.
DJ Nath: Why so big and why so yellow?
Art-Girl: I like the outfit. Okay, the collar is a bit much, ugly boots, but overall, I like it.
Lip-Bomb: I like the sort of reimagining of the karate outfit.
Shotgun: I like the choice of colors.
Havana Nights: His outfit seems almost Grecian. To me, it's Zeus-y.
Art-Girl: Dramatic!!!!
Lip-Bomb: The collar looks like thunderbolts.
Havana Nights: Exactly.
Shotgun: And those wrist thingies look like two grenades.
Lip-Bomb: So we've let go the fingerless gloves and moved on to just the wrists?
Art-Girl: Just wrist bracelets.
Havana Nights: And the boots look like Smurf boots.
Art-Girl: For me, it's the boots. They don't look like they have a lot of arch support there.
Lip-Bomb: He looks like he's wearing socks?
DJ Nath: The boots seem unnecessarily piraty.
Art-Girl: Robin Hoody, too.
Havana Nights: Smurfy!
Art-Girl: And I like they added the black belt there.
DJ Nath: His hair is more curly than I would have expected. I don't have many feelings about it.
Lip-Bomb: His hair reminds me of someone... (Canadian political humorist) Rick Mercer, maybe?
Art-Girl: I was expecting a bit more... Asian.
Siskoid: Well, like I said, variably represented in the art.
Art-Girl: Like, his father was a Japanese crime lord, he doesn't look the least bit Asian.
Siskoid: I did promise you more casual racism from the editor's office.
Shotgun: I really like the hair. It is fabulously fabulous.
Lip-Bomb: He does look cool in the banner.
Art-Girl: Love the hair there.
Lip-Bomb: Even the silly collar looks decent.
Shotgun: Badass.
Art-Girl: Nice jawline too, not too much, but just enough.
Shotgun: So the dude with the huge collar in the background, is that his martial arts master or something?
Siskoid: Yes.
Shotgun: Also, the action shot on the right gives the impression that he's more than just his master, hon hon hon!
DJ Nath: Also, sick dragon, dude.
Shotgun: The dragon has really small wings; it's just deformed.
DJ Nath: I think that's the reason for the weird collar.
Shotgun: Looks more like a snake.
Art-Girl: His dream is to fly, but he never will. * tears*
DJ Nath: The pointyness of the dragon.
Science Girl: I bet he, like, got it tattooed on his arm and now regrets it immensely.
Havana Nights: I like the fact that he's serene. That's helpful in a relationship.
Art-Girl: He is disciplined, calm and serene, lovely.
Havana Nights: I feel he'd wake up early in the morning to practice his martial arts. Which might make me feel inadequate, BUT would also give him the chance to make me breakfast in bed.
Lip-Bomb: I love that he maxed out all the Earth styles of martial art and was like, screw this, I'm going to space.
Art-Girl: Where else could he go?!
DJ Nath: More n00bs to pwn.
Siskoid: Yes, what do you think of the fact he's a Legionnaire without powers, technically, just incredible skill?
Havana Nights: That's hot, but it must take a lot of time out of his day.
Lip-Bomb: Self-made, motivated. That's cool. I like it.
Havana Nights: He's the American dream!
Shotgun: I'm afraid for him, that he'd feel left out.
Art-Girl: That he doesn't need powers, that he can do something on his own? Hot.
Science Girl: Swoon.
DJ Nath: I wonder if anyone is, like, ah, but you're not really a hero. That would be uncool.
Art-Girl: I bet he's the best. Tai chi villains' butts.
Lip-Bomb: Frankly, he's more useful than some heroes with powers we've seen.
Art-Girl: I agree.
Havana Nights: Word.
Art-Girl: Some of them, I question why they got accepted.
Siskoid: Courage, Art-Girl! Heart!
DJ Nath: I do like that he isn't just born into it either, putting in hard work to become good at something builds character.
Lip-Bomb: He must be decently cultured too. To master all those martial arts, you must understand many cultures. Also, you must be the water.
Siskoid: Haha, Bruce Lee for the win.
Shotgun: My question is, if he knows every martial art, why Karate Kid?
Siskoid: Alliteration?
Shotgun: Yeah, sounds logical. But it's still boring. Maybe it gives him an advantage. Bad guy, "PPFFFTTT, karate! That's nothing compared to my combat style...!" And BAM! pwned.
DJ Nath: Tai Chi Child didn't sound as cool.
Siskoid: Judo Jim.
Science Girl: Kick Punch Lad.
Siskoid: Brazilian Ju-Jitsu Jobber.
DJ Nath: Kick Box Boy.
Shotgun: JOHN CENA!!!
DJ Nath: Haha.
Science Girl: Boo.
Lip-Bomb: Haha.
Science Girl: Will he go camping? Probably.
Lip-Bomb: Science Girl asks the real questions.
Shotgun: He would train in the woods. And he would do Tai chi and meditate.
Havana Nights: He must appreciate nature.
Art-Girl: He will be the first up to go hiking on the camping trip.
Lip-Bomb: He'd be actually very useful to chop wood.
Havana Nights: Hahaha.
DJ Nath: I mean, he sounds a little too serious for me. He sounds like a great guy, but if he's focused on his craft all the time, I'm not sure I would fit in.
Havana Nights: Yeah, I'd feel like a slob next to him.
Shotgun: I feel like he would be the kind of guy for whom training comes first, and I don't blame him. Must be his way to always merit his place among the superheroes who have powers.

On the connection to the Karate Kid films
Art-Girl: It's just the name!
Havana Nights: And what's in a name?
Lip-Bomb: Worst movie adaptation! Haha.
DJ Nath: Book was better than the movie?
Art-Girl: Yes!

On his other looks
The various costumes worn by Karate Kid over the different continuities (note that the the gi on the right has a giant yin-yang symbol on the back, not seen here):

Art-Girl: They're... okay.
Havana Nights: There's always that little skirt.
Art-Girl: The collar is gone.
Havana Nights: I'm glad the collar is tamed.
Art-Girl: So are the boots!
DJ Nath: The boots are less silly.
Science Girl: The hair is still good.
Shotgun: His hair is great in each, and it makes me happy.
DJ Nath: The hand symbol on the first one is a little stupid. Is it even a hand?
Shotgun: Oh crap, yeah, it IS a hand. I wondered what that was.
Art-Girl: More like an Egyptian symbol than a karate-chopping hand.
Shotgun: The orange of the one in the middle must not make Art-Girl happy.
Art-Girl: Orange. *eye roll*
Siskoid: I would say it's not orange, it's "tan".
Havana Nights: That little front curl on is adorbs.
Lip-Bomb: He looks like he's wearing a life jacket.
Havana Nights: Middle one has my favorite face. But the pose is silly.
Art-Girl: And best hair, I'd run my finger through them, looks nice.
Havana Nights: I wonder if he's growing tired of always having to do a karate chop pose.
Shotgun: I don't really like the costumes on the ends. Too cliché. The one in the middle is by far my favorite.
Lip-Bomb: The left and right hand ones seem too generic. Yin-yangs are the most 90's thing ever.
DJ Nath: I wonder what he has in his pouch.
Shotgun: Smoke bombs. Because he's a ninja assassin, clearly.
Lip-Bomb: His chi. That's what in his pouch.
Shotgun: Hahaha.
DJ Nath: That would be chi-ting.
Lip-Bomb: Ooooooooh!
Shotgun: Shheeeeee!
Art-Girl: Nunchucks??? Maybe pulling some Donatello.
Shotgun: Are those nunchucks or you just happy to see me? ;-)
DJ Nath: Haha.
Art-Girl: I sure hope it's nunchucks.
Lip-Bomb: He looks barefoot in the middle one. Barefoot with tights.
Science Girl: Hot.
Siskoid: Supple soles, probably.
Lip-Bomb: People do that, don't they? Take off their shoes before they martial arts people's faces?
Art-Girl: It's the polite thing to do.
Shotgun: Well, since all the boots we've seen lately look like long stockings with boots in them...
Art-Girl: I just don't see the problem with normal boots.
Shotgun: I like boots.
Lip-Bomb: The one to the right looks weaker somehow.
Shotgun: Also, he wears a turtle neck.
Art-Girl: He must have dry hands! They might be good at massages, but so rough.
Siskoid: Callused, you think?
Havana Nights: No, because you learn control in martial arts. It would be gentle, controlled pressure.
Lip-Bomb: Well, he does enjoy getting his hands dirty apparently.
Science Girl: Ew.
Lip-Bomb: But he's wearing gloves.
Shotgun: Nah they're bandages.
DJ Nath: And they have fingers, so VICTORY!
Art-Girl: I think it's just that he wraps his hands.
Shotgun: His fingers are free.
Siskoid: Looks like Tony Jaa wrappings. From Ong-Bak.
Art-Girl: To protect his knuckles.
DJ Nath: Aw, well, damn.
Art-Girl: Sorry Nath, we win mouhahahaha!
Lip-Bomb: Can I just say, the girl in the back has some sweet pants.
Siskoid: She is not important to this conversation.
Art-Girl: So long, girl with cool pants.
Siskoid: THIS chick is however...

On his relationship with Projectra
Karate Kid fell in love and became the consort of fellow Legionnaire, Princess Projectra (then Queen Projectra, real name Wilimena Morgana Daergina Annaxandra Projectra Velorya Vauxhall, "Jeckie" for short, of the royal family of Orando). Her power is casting life-like illusions. She was not haughty or superior despite her "high birth", though perhaps a bit proud, but rather friendly and gracious. Having gotten married, they retired from the Legion as per LSH rules, and ruled the low-tech Orando after the death of Projectra's father.
Art-Girl: Princess Projectra... really???
Lip-Bomb: She has a fantasy novel name.
Siskoid: Or Queen Projectra. Or just Projectra.
Lip-Bomb: Or Jeckie. Which is the worst nickname.
Science Girl: Silver hair is really in.
Shotgun: I really like silver hair.
DJ Nath: Man, that is low cut.
Havana Nights: That looks like pubes.
DJ Nath: That's gutsy considering she's a hero.
Shotgun: WAIT WHAT. I thought that was the color of her... bathing suit... but no, bellybutton... frig.
Science Girl: Oh my.
DJ Nath: Mhmm, she does not screw around, man.
Art-Girl: It's like I can almost see you lady parts.
Lip-Bomb: That is some Lady Gaga-level dressing.
Science Girl: Jealous.
Art-Girl: Those boots, geez.
Havana Nights: She has a slamming body. But huge hands... Or is it just me?
Lip-Bomb: Also the cape looks like wings.
DJ Nath: Oh man yes, huge hands.
Shotgun: I cover my arms, and I have a cape, but here, look at my EVERYTHING.
Art-Girl: Huge hands, and looks like she as some good almond shapes manicure!
Havana Nights: I love how the expression on her face is all wholesome and innocent.
Art-Girl: And that she is wearing something inches for her vagina.
Lip-Bomb: Hey, if you got, flaunt it.
Art-Girl: Nice contrast.
Science Girl: Guys guys. (!!!)
Art-Girl: I don't like the holes in the sleeves. It's weird!
DJ Nath: Those boots appear a bit impractical, but cool.
Science Girl: I'm running out of data!
DJ Nath: Oh no!!!
Science Girl: Go on without meeeeee...

*A black hole opens*

Shotgun: Sucks.
Lip-Bomb: Noooooooo!
Art-Girl: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Shotgun: Quick, what's your verdict?
Science Girl: Ahhhhhh.
Shotgun: NOW!
Art-Girl: Quickly!
Lip-Bomb: Say all the things nowwww.
Science Girl: Verdict - I'm gonna go with "meh". Just a huge MEH. Huge! Just remember I lo.. I lov.. I love y... Dead.

*A short time of mourning*

Art-Girl: May she rest in peace.
DJ Nath: Also, those boob physics are amazing.
Art-Girl: She doesn't wear a bra, she can't, but they are still there and nice.
Siskoid: 30th century textiles? ...or illusion?
Art-Girl: Boob projection, the future, there's so much!!!
Lip-Bomb: Her power would be really useful for teachers.
Shotgun: Another somewhat useless power for a woman, meh.
DJ Nath: She could be useful at parties if you want to have a video dance.
Havana Nights: Ooohhh.
Lip-Bomb: I mean, it could be useful to confuse the enemy. She's not that useless.
Havana Nights: I agree, useful power.
Shotgun: Okay, yes, I can see the use. I should have said her power was passive. It bugs me a little that he seems reserved and stuff, and he ends up with Princess Check My Body.
Art-Girl: I agree, a weird couple.
DJ Nath: They do not seem to fit each other, I agree. She seems too flamboyant compared to his more reserved personality.
Havana Nights: Agreed, but it's cool that she's mostly humble.
Art-Girl: Opposites attract?
Havana Nights: Maybe that's why they work.
Shotgun: In Karate Kid's surprint, in that other costume, she reminds me of Sandy at the end of Grease.
DJ Nath: I feel like they would be weird together while getting the groceries and stuff.
Siskoid: Not sure royalty does its own groceries.
Art-Girl: Maybe she's so humble, she does her own groceries.
Lip-Bomb: I don't agree. She's grounded and humble and calm. Her outfit is loud be she doesn't seem to be.
DJ Nath: Yeah that's true, I guess if she's super down to earth, that makes sense. VISUALLY, it's weird, I guess.
Lip-Bomb: Well, it is her work outfit. Maybe she goes home and wears yoga pants.
Siskoid: And then things get dramatic, guys...
DJ Nath: Aw great...
Havana Nights: Oh noes!
Siskoid: Then, the Legion of Super-Villains attacked, and Karate Kid died fighting its leader Nemesis Kid and saving Orando.
Shotgun: Sheesh.
DJ Nath: Well that's sad, everyone dies.
Art-Girl: I can do no more death!
Havana Nights: >:-[
Art-Girl: This is getting to be too much.
Lip-Bomb: Saying don't forget me before you die is the saddest thing ever, I'm sad now. Just full of sadness.
Havana Nights: It's worst than Invisible Kid.
Shotgun: I would have liked it if he hadn't been able to finish his last sentence. More realistic.
Lip-Bomb: By the way, "Kathooom" is a new sound for me.
Siskoid: Projectra broke the cardinal rule of the Legion by snapping Nemesis Kid's neck, claiming royal privilege.
Shotgun: OH SHIT!
DJ Nath: Man, that's intense.
Lip-Bomb: Well, to be fair, the dude was messing with her planet.
Havana Nights: Oh crap.
Art-Girl: She has every right, but dammmm!
DJ Nath: Yeah screw that guy.
Havana Nights: Oh snap. AmIright?
Lip-Bomb: Hihihi.
Shotgun: An epic battle judging by the state of her clothes.
Lip-Bomb: She looks intensely badass.
DJ Nath: But yeah, I totally get it, would be hard not to fight back when something like that happens.
Havana Nights: I think it's sad that she fell back on her royal privilege because she was heartbroken.

On Sensor Girl
From then, she was a much harder woman, solemn and uncompromising, but also something of a big sister, protective of younger members after she realized that the throne was just another illusion and she rejoined with another identity, that of Sensor Girl. Most of the Legionnaires didn't know who she was (or else would have objected to a killer on the team), and her powers were used differently. She could still cast illusions, making people believe they'd lost their senses, but also had a kind of ESP; she could sense things from far away, psychically.
Lip-Bomb: It's interesting that the trauma actually has an effect on her, that she's changed forever.
Art-Girl: it make me sad that she had to change her identity. That the trauma also made her a different person.
DJ Nath: That's way more realistic than just not acknowledging it.
Art-Girl: Awww the pink circle at the bottom breaks my heart.
Shotgun: Everything about this is sad. But sweet mask that doesn't cover her hair.
Art-Girl: Oh yes, hair is gorgeous.
Lip-Bomb: So is that why the mask? To conceal her identity?
Siskoid: Right. Also the readers were trying to solve the mystery... people thought she might be Supergirl, stuff like that.
Havana Nights: Ooohhhh.
Lip-Bomb: Oh that's interesting! What a cool way to engage readers.
DJ Nath: That's pretty cool that it was a reveal to the audience.
Shotgun: The silver is gone though. Blond is meh.
Siskoid: Silver would have been a dead giveaway.
Shotgun: Definitely.
Lip-Bomb: Her outfit seems more evil.
Shotgun: More conservative for sure.
Art-Girl: Or lawful evil.
Havana Nights: I like the contrast; she's completely covered.
Art-Girl: She's still good, but has seen a lot of evil, and that has affected her.
Shotgun: But the essence remains in the costume's lines.
Siskoid: Ultimately, the Legion ruled that the death of Nemesis Kid was self-defense. You've seen the page, you be the judge.
Havana Nights: Can I just stop and point out that his name is Nemesis Kid. It's like if I called myself Bad Guy Havana.
Shotgun: I was thinking the same thing. But well, I'm Shotgun.
Lip-Bomb: Maybe, but you're not my nemesis.
Shotgun: Where's Johnny Snow? (Boom, sweet Dr. Horrible reference right there!)
Havana Nights: A nemesis is a very personal thing indeed.
DJ Nath: I mean, screw that guy.
Siskoid: Nemesis Kid had the power to counter every power with a power (different for each fight), thus the name. He tried out for the Legion at the same time as Karate Kid, Projectra and Ferro, but was rejected because of his bad intentions.
Shotgun: The Legionnaires should have realized it was better to have him on the team. :-P
Lip-Bomb: Again, the Legion creating its own villains.
DJ Nath: Was he trying out AS Nemesis Kid? Because, I mean, that was a giveaway.
Art-Girl: They should have seen it coming.
Siskoid: How does this whole tragedy affect your perception of the Kid-Jeckie relationship?
Havana Nights: At least she was really in love.
Lip-Bomb: It proves that they truly had a deep love.
DJ Nath: Well, she killed a man in a very brutal way. I would say she really loved him. And he sacrificed himself for her in part. True love, man.
Lip-Bomb: You don't change your identity and personality over a fling.
Art-Girl: At first, I wasn't taking the relationship seriously, but it make me happy that I was proven wrong, that they had a love that was strong and pure.
Shotgun: It's sad that it had to come to such and abrupt end though.
Art-Girl: You don't kill people for just a girl you kinda like, you do it IN THE NAME OF LOVE.
Shotgun: Did she find someone else after? Or did she stay a widow?
Lip-Bomb: She feels cold now.
Art-Girl: I think she built a wall after that.
Lip-Bomb: The mask makes sense. I wonder if she hides behind it.
Siskoid: If it's any comfort, they are both currently alive. Jeckie never believed he was truly dead, because life and death is only an illusion to her. And so he came back thanks to various reboots, not always sure why. Magic. The power of love. Whatever you want.
Art-Girl: Gotta love the reboots.
DJ Nath: Ah, good then.
Havana Nights: Yay! They're back together!
Shotgun: Hurray!
Havana Nights: Love conquers all!
Art-Girl: Do you believe in love after love?
Shotgun: Hahaha. Only if you're true love comes back from the dead.
Lip-Bomb: Is she her old self, or the traumatized, disillusioned Sensor Girl?
Siskoid: She's more mature, kind of the mom of the team.
DJ Nath: So she's still been through some crap, but overcame it, awesome.
Art-Girl: But the whole thing must have made her more independent, stronger and more willing to help the people she loves.
Lip-Bomb: Maybe they kissed and that made everything ok.
Siskoid: She WAS a princess.
Lip-Bomb: Prescription - True love's kiss. Twice daily.
Art-Girl: I'll take that.

The Verdict

Shotgun: Not for me. Even though he looks really committed, and that makes his whole story much hotter.
Havana Nights: I think he's hot. I'd definitely admire him from afar, but I don't think he'd fancy me. I'm  too messy, not disciplined enough.
Art-Girl: Oh yeah, kinda forgot about Karate Kid, and that's exactly what I think, kinda forgettable. I was interested at the start, but the more we talked, the less and less I was interested.
Shotgun: He has really sweet hair, though!
DJ Nath: I kind of feel a little indifferent about the character, not really feeling a connection there. But I really love his relationship, which might make me say Not even more. Don't see myself messing that up.
Art-Girl: His girlfriend, I want to hang out with her, be her friend. If she wears yoga pants at home instead of her intense outfit, I'll be the first one at her house for sleepovers.
DJ Nath: I just don't feel like we could relate on anything, but I like him in theory. Just not for me.
Lip-Bomb: I think it's hot for me. He might be a bit too serious and calm for me, but he seems like a decent, knowledgeable, hardworking kind of guy. There's a risk I'd find him boring long term, but worth an exploration.
Art-Girl: And I love the couple, like I would ship these two together now, they make me happy. Their relationship, even if they're not even real, gave me hope!!!
Lip-Bomb: I want to follow them on Instagram and see their couple selfies in the park.

Next: Innate chemistry!


  1. Verdict: HOT! And yes, he's got great hair.

  2. More specifically, Nemesis Kid became a Legionnaire, but was expelled for selling them out to the Khunds.

  3. Doesn't he technically have a power, a super-ability to find the weakest point of anything? (Don't know how the other one managed to get in, though.)

  4. The old DCHeroes RPG gave him Iron Will which gave him the power to ignore pain and shrug off mind control. Everyone's been very keen on giving him a power to explain his presence, but look, what's Brainiac 5's power? Super intelligence? Then why can't we just consider Karate Kid to have super skill? He simply trained until he was far out of the human norm and that satisfied the Legion.

  5. I'm specifically remembering that 'power' from the Rimbor story with the giant chains, don't know if it appeared anywhere else.