Saturday, July 18, 2015

Star Boy: Hot or Not?

He's had many looks, a group of candid women with no real Legion knowledge will tell us which is hottest.
Our honorary Legion members are...
Art Girl - Has always wanted to be a star.
DJ Nath - Not a club DJ, but keeps getting invites from club DJ cicles.
Havana Nights - Likes to think she turns others into stars.
Lip-Bomb - Is the co-star of a You-Tube channel, Mind Linked, which she telepathically shares with her sister DJ Nath.
Shotgun - Recently refereed an improv game in front of 1500 people, which might be a record. Is that stardom?
Moderator: Siskoid - Well known for his incapacity to be starstruck.

First impressions on Star Boy
Star Boy (AKA Thom Kallor) from the planet Xanthu has mass-increasing powers - he can make things and other people heavier, even as heavy as a star. He's not the smartest Legionnaire, and his impatience often makes him leap before he looks. He hates it when other people call him out, however, and probably grew the beard to make himself look older and wiser. Because he doesn't always think things through, he's often seen as unlucky, and a lot of bad things have happened to him, from being framed for murder to getting every bone in his body broken, to going mad in the 21st century.
Havana Nights: Jeez. Poor guy.
Art-Girl: He's clumsy like me!
Shotgun: Woah!
Havana Nights: Also... he makes people fat?!? What is he, doughnuts?
Art-Girl: Heavy, not fat. He just redefines the laws of physics!
Shotgun: Someone has issues.
DJ Nath: What a weird power, but man would that suck to be super heavy, so I imagine it's useful.
Art-Girl: I like him.
Havana Nights: But... the picture.... Oh wow.
Art-Girl: Yessss. Hot  beard, but he looks so old. Like, father old.
Shotgun: Is suit is... uhmm...
Art-Girl: Fabulous suit.
Shotgun: It's too frickin' tight.
Art-Girl: His suit is like the galaxy-pattern leggings I wear at the gym. He had the style way before it was cool.
Havana Nights: He looks like that dude who did kids' shows... Fred PENNER! I can't unsee it now. He's an uncle.
DJ Nath: I like the beard, he looks like he would try and fix stuff around the house, but not really be good at it.
Art-Girl: He's a lumberjack. He seems very virile.
Havana Nights: Not in that suit.
Art-Girl: Hahahaha, yes in that suit. I can check out his butt.
Lip-Bomb: What do I think of the suit? 5 stars. AM I RIGHT?
DJ Nath: Clap clap clap.
Shotgun: Oh Lord.
DJ Nath: I don't hate the suit, I mean, it is a night sky and that makes sense.
Havana Nights: He has that look in his eyes. Like he knows something.
DJ Nath: I hope the stars actually sparkle.
Shotgun: He's impatient... I hate that.
Art-Girl: I understand why he would be. He tries hard and doesn't always succeed. That's hard.
DJ Nath: What you described are things I don't like about myself so that's not great.
Havana Nights: I see him as kind of goofy.
Lip-Bomb: I feel like when he makes a mistake, he tries and covers it up with a ridiculous story.
Havana Nights: Hahaha yes! I think he cares a bit too much about what people think.
Shotgun: It's too bad because his hair flow + beard are really my type, but his personality clashes hardcore.
Art-Girl: His legs are badly drawn, the angle annoys me!!!
Siskoid: Ah yes, the foreshortening.
Shotgun: Nah... That's just the after effect of having all the bones in your body broken, Art-Girl.
Art-Girl: Like, I get the angle, but my eye twitches hardcore.
Shotgun: The left foot is the real problem.
Lip-Bomb: That guy could TOO be a lumberjack. Give him a plaid shirt now!
Art-Girl: And an ax. And a pet moose pet. Now he's Canadian.
Havana Nights: I think HE thinks he's very sexy.
DJ Nath: I appreciate that he really goes for it, which is cool. At least he's doing something.
Havana Nights: And would have crappy pick-up lines.
Lip-Bomb: I bet he thinks he's super smooth.
Art-Girl: Yes, like, "I can get all the ladies with one hello."
Havana Nights: But he's as subtle as a tractor.
DJ Nath: I think he wants us to think that, but he's really insecure.
Havana Nights: Aww.
DJ Nath: All talk.
Shotgun: He must be insecure, or else he'd take constructive criticism.
Lip-Bomb: He definitely tells people he's been with more women than he has.
Art-Girl: I think he wants us to think he's very confident and proud. He's had many threesomes with two chicks... NOT!
DJ Nath: Still, I would go camping with him.
Havana Nights: I wouldn't. I think he'd get on my nerves quick.
Lip-Bomb: I'm leaving you, Star Boy! Makes you super-heavy. Damn it!
Art-Girl: He tells big elaborate stories about his sex life, but none of it is real.
Havana Nights: I can lumber my own jack, thank you very much.
Lip-Bomb: Eww, Havana.
Siskoid: Lol.
Havana Nights: I don't even know what I mean.
DJ Nath: I bet you'd have so many ridiculous stories to tell afterwards about how the boat sank or something.
Lip-Bomb: Yeah 'cause he accidentally made the boat heavy.
Art-Girl: While still being stunning and flawless.
DJ Nath: Exactly. My planner would want to strangle him, but when I'm on an adventure I just want to do all the things. So at home, I think we would clash, but out in the world, maybe it could work.
Havana Nights: I feel like he'd use his power without thinking of the consequences. That's what would happen with the boat: "If it's heavier it will go faster!"
DJ Nath: And then comedy.

On other looks
After the Legion Reboot, a more youthful Star Boy was introduced who was perhaps, again, the most irresponsible of the Legionnaires, a hothead who would charge into battle without thinking.
Shotgun: Geez, contrast.
Havana Nights: Oh wow.
DJ Nath: Well, that's a bit of a downgrade for me.
Art-Girl: Like, hahaha!
Lip-Bomb: That is one enormous smile...
DJ Nath: Suit is less fun and different, more generic.
Havana Nights: I still feel like he would be all of the awkward.
Art-Girl: He's trying to sell me something that doesn't work with that smile. I miss the beard.
DJ Nath: He looks like he would try and sell me insurance on something I don't need.
Shotgun: Nope that smile is just... wth. His mouth is just too wide. Like if we kissed, I'd have his lips all up in my eyes.
Havana Nights: I see him as a kid who'd always be in the way.
Lip-Bomb: I feel like this version looks even more "try-hard".
Siskoid: Predictable.
Havana Nights: Star Boy made it heavy?
DJ Nath: His hair is pretty ok.
Art-Girl: No beard, okay hair, I'm not interested.
Lip-Bomb: At least he's not all muscles this time.
Shotgun: I actually prefer this suit.
Art-Girl: And his legs don't make me want to die in this one.
Shotgun: Probably thanks to the absence of those creepy muscles.
Lip-Bomb: What are the things on his hips?
Shotgun: Looks like guns.
Siskoid: Man purses.
Shotgun: Oof, that takes guts.
Lip-Bomb: But for what? His powers don't need anything, right?
Havana Nights: His things.
DJ Nath: You gotta keep your wallet somewhere.
Lip-Bomb: Does he just carry around gum in case his breath is bad?
Art-Girl: Star powder to go to Neverland.
Havana Nights: His rock collection.
Siskoid: It was the 90s, and the era had a love affair with pouches. He's lucky to only have two.
Shotgun: His golden wrist bracelets of doom are really enormous.
Lip-Bomb: I was going to say his cuffs look heavy, but I guess he'd control that.
DJ Nath: I feel like I could have designed his outfit in Paint.
Art-Girl: I feel his logo is lacking compared to the other Legionnaires'! The others were kind of mysterious and you didn't get them right away. A star makes sense, but still.
Shotgun: I agree... still better than the penis thing Invisible Kid had, but so generic.
Art-Girl: I liked the penis.
Shotgun: No you didn't, it was green on orange on brown.
Siskoid: After the Legion Threeboot, Star Boy was re-introduced once again, this time as Cosmic Boy's right-hand man, loyal and steady. He had trouble finding his way at first, intimidated by others' leadership and a terrible fighter, but grew in confidence over time, and becoming more thoughtful and reasoned as he came to trust himself.
Art-Girl: Hahaha, change of topic, Siskoid?
Havana Nights: Meh, I find this new look and description kind of boring.
Shotgun: Ah, I like the fact that he grows up and improves his attitude. Also cool that he's black. But still no beard. And the cape is a bit much.
DJ Nath: I think that's cool and diversity is awesome. Can't all be white guys, that's not fun for anyone. I like the outfit. Classy. Very black tie.
Art-Girl: No beard. So sad.
Shotgun: And his star-shaped collar if still too obvious. But the star itself is more legit.
DJ Nath: I also like that he learned from his past and grew. That's important.
Art-Girl: The outfit, I don't hate it but I don't love it. And yes Nath, learning from your mistakes makes you a better person.
DJ Nath: I don't expect perfection - just work on bettering yourself and be happy, you know.
Shotgun: Much more normal-sized as far as the muscles go, so cool.
Lip-Bomb: His suit is a little... Star trek-ish.
Havana Nights: Yes, it's SO Star Trek!
DJ Nath: Very spacey, but that makes sense.
Siskoid: This is also the version they used in the cartoon.
Art-Girl: Cool. I like that. My only question is whether the boots are pants, or the pants boots.
Havana Nights: It's like ballet tights.
Shotgun: I think it's cool they opted for a more serious and less impulsive version of him.
Lip-Bomb: He looks a bit angry in this, but he's pretty handsome.
Art-Girl: He needs sunglasses.
DJ Nath: Yeah I like him, this is good.
Shotgun: His head is tiny though. I can't evaluate his hotness to its full extent.
Art-Girl: His shoulders are huge. The proportion is off.
Lip-Bomb: He's maybe a bit TOO serious in this version. He feels all grown-up.
Art-Girl: He still looks old. We had an uncle, a teenager, now an uncle again.
Siskoid: After the Retroboot, he returned to the first bearded version, but went insane during a time travel accident (a kind of coo-coo for cocopuffs kind of insane) and started hiding the beard:
Shotgun: Ooh, kinda feels like Dr. Manhattan.
Art-Girl: Awww but he's hiding the beard (frown).
Lip-Bomb: Well, that is slightly terrifying.
Havana Nights: I'm not sure I could date a galaxy, Siskoid.
DJ Nath: I mean, I kind of like looking into space - it's cool and scary  - which is how I feel about this.
Art-Girl: Hahahaha!
Lip-Bomb: When he went insane, did he also become a genie?
Shotgun: What does that even mean "coo-coo for cocopuffs"?
Siskoid: Have you kids never watched cereal commercials?
Lip-Bomb: Of all the things they kept from the first look, the gloves?
DJ Nath: Yeah, weird choice. It's like a galaxy with hands, it's weird.
Shotgun: So unlucky, clumsy and crazy, mmm mmmm.
Art-Girl: So many problems.
Havana Nights: A real winner, ladies! Take a number!
DJ Nath: It's kind of mean to laugh at the crazy guy, that seems uncool.
Shotgun: He doesn't have a face... and I love a good smile. He's bald but I want hair on my man... and, well, where did his penis go?
Art-Girl: No penis. I am out! i am out!
Siskoid: It's still a suit... you know? How we wear suits to hide our penises--I mean faces?
Shotgun: Ok, so not bald, still a beard and a penis... ok.
DJ Nath: Good recap.
Art-Girl: Back in business, Shotgun???
Siskoid: It's just a full bodysuit.
DJ Nath: That must get so hot and uncomfortable.
Shotgun: Good special effect though.
Art-Girl: All superhero outfits look hard to wear.
Lip-Bomb: Imagine having to stop to pee, ugh.
DJ Nath: Chaos.
Shotgun: They all wear diapers. Come on. Well-known fact.

On his relationship to Dream Girl
Thom has been in a long-running relationship with Dream Girl (AKA Nura Nal) who, like most of the people on her home planet of Naltor, has prophetic dreams. It's not an action-oriented power, so Nura compensates by being an excellent hand-to-hand fighter AND scientist. This glamour queen is an irrepressible flirt (which makes Star Boy seem more in love with her than she is with him, but appearances are deceiving), brassy and free-spirited. She has great self-confidence, shamelessness, and wit, but she's also a hedonist who can be heard complaining when missions take the team to planets where she can't get her beauty treatments.
Art-Girl: "Dream Girl cute"... oh, not cute - sexy!
Havana Nights: Oh my!
Shotgun: Geez, all of that hair!
Art-Girl: All of those hips!
Havana Nights: She seems too hot for him.
Shotgun: So preppy.
Art-Girl: Her hips dont lie.
DJ Nath: Bombshell over here. I almost wrote boobshell, which still applies.
Art-Girl: Hair envy, right there.
Havana Nights: It's as if Marilyn Monroe and Fred Penner were together. I don't see it.
Lip-Bomb: I hope she has a super whispery voice.
Art-Girl: She sounds like Cate Blanchett in my head. Sexy but smart.
Siskoid: We don't see her beauty mark next to her mouth right there, but it's in the shape of a star.
DJ Nath: Awh that's a cute tie-in.
Lip-Bomb: Aww that's sweet.
Art-Girl: She has tiny feet.
Shotgun: Shiny in chrome... NOTICE ME!!!!
Lip-Bomb: Hahaha!
Art-Girl: Must be hard to move in a corset, a freaking METAL corset!
Shotgun: So she has a star-shaped birth mark, and she's with Star Boy... Meant to be or just a cliché?
Art-Girl: Cliché.
Havana Nights: The smart part is really cool.
DJ Nath: She could definitely kick my ass too.
Lip-Bomb: So, since her power is dream-related, I guess she must get lots of beauty sleep.
Havana Nights: And I like that she's good at hand-to-hand combat.
Shotgun: I don't like the prophetic dream power, it comes with too much responsibility.
Lip-Bomb: I bet she constantly says words that are vaguely sexual in other contexts just to get a reaction.
Havana Nights: Haha yes.
Siskoid: Yep, she does do that.
Lip-Bomb: This table is so... naked.
Shotgun: Well, she needs her beauty treatments, and you know how all the make-up brands use super-sexual terms to describe their products. Sexpresso, better than sex...
DJ Nath: She's hot, but a bit high maintenance, which annoys me.
Art-Girl: Hey! I feel I'M high maintenance!
Lip-Bomb: They both seem a bit exhausting.
Shotgun: She'd be late because of those beauty treatments, and I'd get angry, and also a little bit jealous because she's friggin' hot, but also, and especially, screw you, don't make me wait.
Havana Nights: Let's not Invite them to our non-existent dinner parties.
DJ Nath: She's cool, but I think she would be a friend I would hang out with every once in a while kind of thing.
Art-Girl: They would be so fashionably late every time.
Shotgun: And he's impatient... How does that work?
Art-Girl: The sex is amazing, only explanation.
Siskoid: I'm not saying they don't... "have words" from time to time.
Shotgun: Especially if she's flirty.
Lip-Bomb: In social situations, he must get so jealous.
Shotgun: Damn, the guy must not be too jealous, or maybe he is - comedy gold!
Art-Girl: Hahahaha, he gets jealous, starts a fight, fight leads to sex, sex is awesome, the couple is still together.
DJ Nath: He just makes every other guy heavy so they can't go talk to her.
Lip-Bomb: Hahaha!
Shotgun: Or he makes HER heavy!
Art-Girl: Hahahahaha!
Shotgun: Glamour queen can't get up off the ground, oooooh she must haaaate it!
DJ Nath: I feel like that would be a big fight.
Siskoid: Probably why she manipulated Lightning Lass' powers and turned her into Light Lass.

The Verdict
DJ Nath: I think the first and last versions are hot. I also think that we would fight constantly. He would help me be more spontaneous in everyday life, but I would be stressed a lot of the time. I also like beards.
Art-Girl: He's not my type, I don't feel I have anything in common with him. The beard is not enough! He has some personalty traits that I just don't agree with and would be a problem in the long run. The first picture, if we only go by the picture, yes, but with everything else, I'll take a pass. Panties stay on tonight... His girlfriend, on the other hand, I would buy her a few martinis and see where is goes.
Shotgun: Okay, the personality clashes with mine hardcore. It's cool that he works on that in the Threeboot, but not enough, because I have other issues. Beard and hair are ok, but too muscled in general. So it's a meh for me physically. He looks either too old or too young. Good job on maintaining a long-lasting relationship with a high maintenance girlfriend though. He's not my type... He's all yours, girls!
Lip-Bomb: I'm going to say Not. He's a pretty solid meh for me physically and personality-wise. I mean he's okay, but I don't exactly have stars in my eyes.
Shotgun: Ugh, Lip-Bomb...
DJ Nath: I'm probably too clumsy to be with him also.
Art-Girl: Yeah, clumsy like I am, if we lived together, the house would fall down.
Havana Nights: Absolutely 100% not for me. He either looks like an uncle or a kid, his personality doesn't speak to me in any way other than annoyance, and absolutely nothing in him awakens me sexually. I'll keep my panties and snowsuit on.
Siskoid: His reaction:
Siskoid: (Pre-beard Thom gets explosive diarrhea during Infectious Lass' try-out.)
Shotgun: Awww poor guy.
Havana Nights: That's how not turned on I am.
Art-Girl: Nath, still all yours apparently!
DJ Nath: I can change him, hahaha!
Lip-Bomb: ...that is basically the worst super power ever... Poor Star Boy.
Siskoid: (Let's not pile on Infectious Lass, we'll see her again. Just another example of Star Boy's luck.)
Lip-Bomb: Unlucky is right.
Shotgun: ...wait... that means someone will be dating her... crap!!!

On the banner

Art-Girl: Ohhh sexy photo!
Havana Nights: Booooooooooobs!
Shotgun: She carries him? Your beard can't save your virility at this point, kid.
Siskoid: Lol.
Shotgun: Sexy hair though. And Dream Girl, at the risk of repeating myself: NOTIIIIICE MEEEEEE!
Art-Girl: OMG her hair. Hair goals, right here.
Lip-Bomb: Agreed.
Shotgun: I was referring to HIS hair, but hers kick ass as well.
Havana Nights: His look like a helmet. Would not like to run my fingers through them nope nope nope. Let's face it - that was my ex-husband's hair style.
Shotgun: HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Oh no!

Next: Theoretically a step down from Star Boy... or is it a step up?


  1. Girls love the beard? GIRLS? Bears love the beard.
    Way down the hotest Legionnaire EVER (later day Gim and Chuck got hot and bearded as well)
    And the man kept Nura happy for years, he did something right...

  2. Y'know, the picture with Dreamy carrying his would be a lot less damaging to his image if it showed why. One of his legs WAS in a cast at the time.